News
Description: The national news report for humans.
Talking head cuts to a reporter on the street, and then to live footage of an explosion/burning
building.
Sounds: Talking and sound from the live scene.
Weather
Description: The daily local weather. Human
weather girl gives the report, then cuts to national weather and radar maps, then
to the local forecast. Forecast changes daily, and may actually predict tomorrow’s
weather.
Sounds: Weather girl chirping, soothing smooth
jazz.
Soap/Drama
Description: The dramatic ongoing story of star-crossed
lovers, double-crossing no-goods, or intense office politics. Someone is always
accused of something. Long shot of a blonde near a window with a fabulous view cuts
to close up of conversation, and then an accusing finger.
Sounds: Male and female voices; dramatic music.
Note: This is the same music favored by Brewster at the Roost.
Nature
Description: This may also be some sort of travel/lifestyle
program. Stunning shots of scenery and occasional appearances of animal naturists.
Snowy mountaintops, peaceful valleys, a deer who chooses to stand on all four of
his legs has a vegan lunch.
Sounds: Peaceful natural environment with birds
chirping.
Toon
Description: The continuing epic battle of Captain
Yellow and the evil Dr. Sneer. Some also call him by other names, such as power
ranger or Mr. Lemon. Usually involves this yellow fellow running to or away from
the scene, Dr. Sneer interfering, and yellow fellow prevailing.
Sounds: Action running music with Dr. Sneer’s
evil laugh & a loud KERPOW!!
Talk
Description: Your favorite human host talks
to your favorite human guest stars. Or, this might be a comedy program? Long shot
of handsome and lovely guest and host in stunning evening attire, close ups of guest
and host.
Sounds: Man and woman talking with audience
laughing; K.K. Ragtime.
Quiz
Description: Everyone’s favorite quiz show,
hosted by your favorite handsome aging male host. Three contestants on the fun and
colorful set, closeup of host, closeups of contestants.
Sounds: Countdown clock, contestant buzzer,
contestants answering questions, audience reactions.
Soccer Game
Description: Yes, it’s time for every human’s
favorite sport: Soccer (football)! No, not that kind, the one you play with no hands.
Long shot of the field and stadium, closeups of the action.
Sounds: Crowds roaring with officials tooting
their whistles.
Music
Description: Musical performance show. Long
shot of a purply-lit stage, close up of a piano player, close up of the singer?
The visual reception on this show is not so great and it’s hard to see detail.
Sounds: A female vocalist sings K.K. Jazz in
K.K. style, leading us to believe that she may also be of canine heritage.
Movie
Description: A suspenseful action movie. A woman
hides and gets ready to fire her gun. Someone shoots and a building goes up in flames.
Sounds: Heavy breathing, running footsteps,
explosion, and heartbeats.
Test Pattern
Description: In the days of yore, before the
infomercial was invented, this is what stations used to run every night to keep
their licenses without having to provide actual programming. In AC, it seems the
tradition is still alive and well. Bars of color and black and white remain on the
screen.
Sounds: A constant, fairly unpleasant tone,
which is there to satisfy the government’s requirement that television stations
provide us with sound.
White Noise
Description: At 4 AM, the test pattern tape
at the TV station either runs out or a cable comes loose, and the engineer on night
duty doesn’t realize it until 5 AM, when the test pattern comes back on. For this
hour there is good old-fashioned black-and-white static.
Sounds: White noise.
