"I turned 20 the other day and I feel extremely immature, irresponsible and incapable like I shouldn't be trusted with real life responsibilities because I still feel very much like a child."
When I was young, I thought that "feeling like an adult" meant you'd have all of the answers. Now I'm 24, and I realize that nobody has the answers. You see CEOs, leaders of countries, and other "wealthy" people, and you realize they're all just winging it. They all have advisers, they all make mistakes, they're all human.
You read journals and notes from historical figures, and they dealt with the same crap we did -- love, grief, stress. It's all across the board. Our entire society is essentially just people hoping for the best. The feeling will never go away. Just gotta live with it!
Yeah I think that if you get into a mindset of thinking that you make all the right decisions all the time, you actually aren’t that responsible because you’ll never second guess your choices like that. However, you should still trust your instincts to some degree, just while being open to criticism and learning.
I started to feel like an adult when I moved out to college and I was living away from my parents for the first time and could make my own decisions. But the scope of my decisions were still pretty limited with not having a car and money.
I'd say the first fulltime, year-round job (or at least an average of 40+ hours per week over a year) is a big one too but not everyone does that so it's not perfect for everyone. Part time or temporary work kind of feels like being an adult but there's a huge difference between work being something you do on the side and work being the main thing you do. In one way it's nice to feel mature but at the same time, it's not fun to know you have to keep coming in and it's not like you can just work less if you want to.
Let's go Gophers! Ski-U-Mah!
Sorry, I don't accept random FCRs.
Unless you're going for the enlightened celibate route, I'd say the marker for "real" adulthood is forgoing a purchase because you have to provide for your child. This isn't my own marker but it's the only one I've heard that has really stuck. Not everyone reaches this marker but that doesn't mean it's a bad marker but that many people just never really attain "real" adulthood; I, for one, haven't yet.
Based on knowing adults of all ages plus being one myself...never. The biggest piece of advice I have for you is that time forgives a lot of things including immaturity if you let it. Take the time to grow and be mindful of your surroundings. It will all pay off in the end! Circling back to my original answer, though, I would still say never. I really think it is all in the eye of the beholder. You can still be a mature, successful adult without being or feeling like a "real" adult.
I'll be 25 in a week, married, with my own house, a second kid on the way, and I still consistently play Animal Crossing and Pokemon haha. I haven't felt "grown up" yet, but I don't necessarily believe you'll lose that. Gotta have fun with life!
I've been coming to this website for over 10 years and I don't know why.
Even though I'm still winging it to this day, I didn't start feeling like an adult until I moved away from my parent's house right after I graduated to a foreign country to start a new life. Knowing that I'm in charge of every decision in my life without relying too much on anyone gives a really strong sense of independence with a touch of "I'm an adult omg."
Yesterday I took my dogs to the vet, went alone to a hospital appointment, then went to work, and all of this was written in my diary. I tend to call that “adulting” rather than actually being an adult though. I am an adult, but it’s like I take on the role of “today I need to be an adult”
In the evening I played Pocket Camp and browsed the build a bear website...
I believe feeling like a grown up is when you can balance your life between work and play, and balancing your money on essentials and then things for yourself, and knowing when you can’t afford the thing for yourself because of the essentials. And when you need to do more work because of the essentials, or because you want something for yourself.
That said I still live with my parents. I don’t think there’s a definitive time or moment. More of a “Oh wow, I’ve actually got this adult thing most of the time”
If you are going to walk on thin ice...
...You might as well dance
"Unless you're going for the enlightened celibate route, I'd say the marker for 'real' adulthood is forgoing a purchase because you have to provide for your child. This isn't my own marker but it's the only one I've heard that has really stuck. Not everyone reaches this marker but that doesn't mean it's a bad marker but that many people just never really attain 'real' adulthood; I, for one, haven't yet."
Parenthood is in no way a requirement to be an adult.
"I'll be 25 in a week, married, with my own house, a second kid on the way, and I still consistently play Animal Crossing and Pokemon haha."
It's unfortunate that so many people (not saying that you're one of them, for the record) think that, just because something is appropriate for children, it must be unsuited for adults. The E stands for Everyone!
Let me know if you'd like to join the Current Events Discussion PT!
"Parenthood is in no way a requirement to be an adult."
Well, yeah. That's why I mentioned the enlightened celibacy route; there are a few other exceptions but for most people I stand by what I said before. There's something about settling down with a wife and kids that typically marks the end of youth and the start of "real adulthood."
Some experience this earlier than others. I'm turning 29 this year and here's why I think I'm turning into a more adult person since 2016:
- I actually started working after years of studying etc. so I got in touch with different people. Different people have different topics to talk about so I also joined conversations about "adult topics" like gardening, insurances, buying a flat/house, ....
- I needed to talk about all those topics cause I had moved from a students' flat-sharing community into my own flat and asked for advice on several things. Also I had to get several insurances and what not....
- My friends experienced the same things, so we talked about more "adult stuff" as well.
- I got used to have way less free time but more responsibilities cause of work.
- Through work, I learned that I have to be even more organised and cause of that, I care more about being organised at home as well.
- My hobbies changed a lot and now I'm enjoying totally different things than 10 years ago cause I found more stuff that I enjoy as well.
If you had told me 10 years ago, that I'd be into photography taking pictures early in the morning or that I'd be so happy to buy a food processor that I wanted for some time... I guess I would not have believed you back then.