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Topic: Anthropomorphic animals, sans pants. CHAPTER 2 UP NOW!

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MayorMayOfToont
 
Name
May
ACNL Town
Last Active
4/18 3:44pm
Hey guys! I felt like writing a little something, so here it is! It's not too long, but I like it. Feedback is very welcome!



    The sun shone through the blinds on the window into the bedroom. It was composed almost entirely of
furniture from the Sleek series. A bed sat in the corner of the room, a dresser at it's foot and a bedside
table next to it with a picture of Pippy on top of it. The mayor rolled over and wriggled a bit, shielding her
eyes from the sliver of sun shining through the window. She threw the covers off, and sat up on the edge of
the bed. She had violet hair styled in a bob, with a crown on top. Her eyes were baby blue, and she had
what looked to be slices of lemon on her cheeks. She wore a violet dress with a pink bow on the chest and
lace at the bottom. On her feet were dark magenta thigh-high stockings, and yellow flats. Though it may
seem odd that she had apparently went to bed fully dressed, that was considered perfectly normal for the
world she lived in. I mean, it's actually quite tame if you consider the fact that she was the only human in
a town full of anthropomorphic animals without pants.

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Liv909
 
Name
Liv
ACNH Town
Last Active
11/24 9:21pm
Looks nice so far! I can't wait to see more. =)
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slrandall
 
Name
MissSue
ACNL Town
Last Active
11/24 2:42pm
Lol! Cute. Keep going.
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MayorMayOfToont
 
Name
May
ACNL Town
Last Active
4/18 3:44pm
Chapter 2: Trellis

May left her house and stretched, still a bit groggy. She made her way toward the town hall, waving at the
villagers she passed. She pushed the door open, and a bell chimed. Isabelle smiled at her. " Good morning
mayor May! " May smiled back at her, and sat in the mayor's chair. " What would you like to work on
today? " asked Isabelle. May though for a second, and then replied.
" I'd like to add another Public Works Project, " she said. Isabelle grabbed a list of PWPs of the table, and handed it
to May. May stared intently at the list of projects, then circled one. " This one. " May handed the paper back to
Isabelle. She had circled an image of a wistera trellis, and signed her name in a space below it, giving her approval.
Isabelle smiled. " Alright! Show me where you'd like to put it. "

The two left the town hall, and May led her across the river, and toward the train station. She stood in a grassy,
open area, and nodded at Isabelle. Isabelle though for a moment, and shook her head. " This is too close to the train
station, it would be difficult to build here. " May frowned, took a couple steps to the right, and nodded at Isabelle.
Isabelle smiled and said, " Perfect! I'll start preparing to build! " She headed back to the town hall. May waved, and made her way toward Main Street.
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Smiter19
 
Name
Jacob
ACNL Town
Last Active
11/15 8:49pm
This looks and reads great!

Only piece of criticism is how your paragraphs are turning out. It looks like you maybe be pressing enter a little to soon. As well as the spacing on your quotations.

Example from your latest:

"May left her house and stretched, still a bit groggy. She made her way toward the town hall, waving at the
Villagers she passed. She pushed the door open, and a bell chimes.
Isabelle smiled at her. " Good morning
Mayor may! " May smiled back at her, and sat in the mayor's chair. " What would you like to work on
Today? ""

End of example.

*The edits I propose are as follows.*

"May left her house and stretched, still a bit groggy. She made her way toward the town hall, waving at the villagers she passed. She pushed the door open, and a bell chimes.

Isabelle smiled at her, "Good morning mayor May!" May smiled back at her and sat in the mayor's chair.
"What would you like to work on today?"

I hope in no way does this discourage you because I loved reading it. I am only hoping to assist you.
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MayorMayOfToont
 
Name
May
ACNL Town
Last Active
4/18 3:44pm
^ Thanks! I'll work on getting the formats better.
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Creative Writing Board » Topic: Anthropomorphic animals, sans pants. CHAPTER 2 UP NOW!

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