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Topic: I Decide - Chapter Two (the long awaited follow-up chapter, three years in the making)

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Sleegi
 
Name
Brett
ACNL Town
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11/23 12:50am

Preface:

Hello, my name is Sleegi. I'm going to assume that most of you don't recognize me. Long, long ago I wrote many different stories for this board. Back in the golden years of 09'-11' this board was alive with some of the most brilliant, creative writing I had ever seen. Legends like Computerfan, Skypirate, Robotownrules, and many more that I honest can't remember flooded this board with some of the best stories I personally have ever seen.

Well, it's been quite a while since then. Most of those people are long gone, and even I myself moved on for the longest time. But, something has always bothered me. There was one story that I started, but never actually finished called "Radical Measures". It was my pride and joy, and was meant to be my greatest piece of fiction. Alas, my life started to take a turn, and soon enough I had stopped coming to ACC at all. In that time, "Radical Measures" died. A few months after my initial departure, I tried to re-write "Radical Measures" under the new name "I Decide", but it also died in pre-planning.

I always regretted that. The story has always been so perfectly laid out in my head, but never brought to fruition. Well, finally, here I am around five years later. As I'm about to start college, it dawned on me that I have the time to invest to try again. I hope that I'll be able to retain my interest, as I really do find this story interesting. I hope you will too.

Here's one last hoorah at finishing my childhood book, on the site that defined a good portion of my life. I hope you enjoy, and thanks for your time.
Chapter One

The rain softly pattered against the window. The constant sound of water hitting glass was just loud enough to awaken the young man lying in his bed. As his mind slowly entered consciousness, he rubbed his eyes clear of the material that had collected together during the previous night’s slumber. He slowly sat upright, still not entirely awake. As he did so, he gazed over at an old, dilapidated clock that hung from a rusty nail on his wall. Its hands read the time to be six fifty-three in the morning, a good seven minutes before the Ministry alarm was set to awaken him. As it did every morning.

Realizing that he had a small increment of time before his day began, he stared out his window. The rain was just soft enough for it to still be rather bright outside, but steady enough to warrant his use of protective garments when he started to get dressed. As he was still looking through the window, an ear-shattering alarm started to sound from a monitor on the far side of the room. The monitor, taking up a good portion of the space on the wall, was reading the words “AWAKEN” in big, red letters. The deafening sound continued for fifteen seconds before finally coming to a stop. The screen changed from the words, to a face. The face was that of a man, late thirty’s to early forties. He had dark brown eyes, like that of mud; and sported a large, imposing mustache. His eyes seemed to peer into your thoughts, and soul. Underneath his face, the words “Big Brother is Watching You” were printed clearly.

It was funny that the Ministry had actually decided to use this name and slogan, knowing the bad connotation it had been given by the book “Nineteen Eighty-Four”. Not that it really mattered, the Ministry had long removed any literature that it deemed to be contrary to the views of the party. The party, the “National Socialist Human Party” or NSHC, had actually removed any type of media you might think of that did not directly praise the party views and standard. Every page of every book, every second of every movie, and every phrase of every song had been studied, and altered according to that of the parties wish. Any media was scrutinized before going public to ensure that party standards were being quite strictly adhered to.

The face continued to stare into the man’s face, as a disembodied voice began going over the morning, mandatory, news. It seemed that the weather was going to be like this the rest of the day, which was fine by the man; it hardly ever rained here. There was a report on the updated rations allotment, and an announcement stating that the public hanging of three conspirators from the lower class, referred to as druggs’, would be happening later this afternoon. It then showed the faces of the three conspirators. All three were foxes, grey in color, with so little differences between them one would think them to be related. The man regarded their pictures a moment more before the news period ended, and the dressing period started. He immediately forgot of the three animals, and instead focused on correctly putting on his grey coverall’s, and aligning his name-tag which read simply “John”.

Once John was certain his attire matched perfectly with the example shown on screen, he headed towards his bedroom door to start the next daily morning task. He walked from the room, into his kitchen. He pulled a container reading “Egg’s and Toast” from the cabinet. He opened it, and scooped out a brown, jelly-like substance onto a plate. He quickly ate the jellified food, and gathered his personal things he would need for his day at work. Once he was entirely sure he had not forgotten anything, he headed for the door to start his commute to work.
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hunt
 
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Hunt
ACGC Town
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A new legend is born.
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DaBraxMan
 
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Ethan
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Flagified. Moooooooooooore
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Sleegi
 
Name
Brett
ACNL Town
Last Active
11/23 12:50am
Alright, I knew I forgot something!

One of the main reasons the original version of this story died was because I pushed myself too hard to pump out chapters once a day. In order to remedy this, I'll release a new chapter every Friday. That way I stay constant, have enough time to really make good chapters, and don't get burn out!

See you guys Friday!
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I have a new short story called [b]"The Existence Machine" [/b]
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Kratos1
 
Name
Adam
ACNL Town
Last Active
5/31 6:52am
6/10. It's "Eggs and Toast", not "Egg's and toast". The eggs are not possessive nor do I believe it is being used as a contraction
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DaBraxMan
 
Name
Ethan
ACGC Town
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9/28 4:27pm
^I noticed, too, but keep in mind it's communism. They possess everything. You belong to the egg and the egg belongs to MOTHER RUSSIA

Just kidding. You should make that a running gag. But in all honesty, the rest of the fic is very well-written.
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Sleegi
 
Name
Brett
ACNL Town
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11/23 12:50am
"It's "Eggs and Toast", not "Egg's and toast". The eggs are not possessive nor do I believe it is being used as a contraction"
It's funny you point this out actually. This was done 100% on purpose, to run as an example later in the story. I won't spoil too much, but it has to do with changes the government makes. That's why ensured it was in quotations, so as to dictate it was not "narrator" text. The way that name is spelled is quite literal.
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DaBraxMan
 
Name
Ethan
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Called it!
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hunt
 
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Hunt
ACGC Town
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hah! nice one sleeg! your legend is growing by the minute!
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Kratos1
 
Name
Adam
ACNL Town
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I see. So my question to you, now, is: why is "druggs'" not in inverted commas (in your story. I put it in inverted commas there )?

Based on my objective rating system, it now receives 6/11
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DaBraxMan
 
Name
Ethan
ACGC Town
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It didn't read "druggs" they are just druggs
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Sleegi
 
Name
Brett
ACNL Town
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11/23 12:50am

"why is "druggs'" not in inverted commas"
Because that's what they are called. It'd be like saying:

The people in the senate, referred to as "senators", went to work.

It just doesn't look right. The collective mass of people are druggs, a single person is a drugg. For example:

The druggs collected in the town square.
The drugg sold me some flowers.
That drugg's house is surprisingly nice.


Although, you did inadvertently point out to me that I incorrectly used an apostrophe when using the plural use of the noun. I said druggs' when I should have said druggs. Since the noun does not end in 's', it doesn't require the added apostrophe. That'll be fixed in the next chapter, and from now on.

"Based on my objective rating system, it now receives 6/11"
Okay. I'm glad based on an initial chapter that hasn't really said much that it's at lease above half. Hopefully you'll regard it higher as I actually get deeper into the plot.
"hah! nice one sleeg! your legend is growing by the minute! "
Haha, thanks! Glad you're liking it so far. The rest of the chapters should be longer than that one from now on, I just wanted to get the ball rolling. I suck at beginning's.
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I have a new short story called [b]"The Existence Machine" [/b]
Go check it out! You can find it over on the creative writing board!
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Sleegi
 
Name
Brett
ACNL Town
Last Active
11/23 12:50am

Announcement:

So in the process of polishing chapter two, my power goes out and Microsoft Word decides it didn't want to auto-save my work. That would have been no big deal if the .doc file hadn't gotten corrupted as well. So now I'm back to square one with Chapter Two. None-the-less, I have the idea for it still ingrained in my skull, so it shouldn't take me long to re-write it from memory. Just give me a few days, and I'll have it up. I'll try to have Ch. 3 up on time as well. Sorry about that, just bear with me!
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I have a new short story called [b]"The Existence Machine" [/b]
Go check it out! You can find it over on the creative writing board!
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Kratos1
 
Name
Adam
ACNL Town
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5/11
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hunt
 
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Hunt
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don't worry sleegi, even newly crowned legends have bad days! i remember when i was writing on the fan fic board many years ago during the era of legends like skypirate (the legend) and computerfan (the legend). i was outside writing when an arctic blast struck with no warning - which was odd because it was summer! anyway, the arctic winds began to affect my laptop as the internal components froze up! i kept furiously typing away and the faster i typed the more the computer seemed to resist the cold as the kinetic energy from my keystrokes warmed the machine. i was close to finishing when a torrential downpour began right above me. in fact, the downpour was only on me! there was a single cloud just drenching me in rain water. my laptop began to spark but i battled on through the electocution trying to finish the chapter for my fan. with the screen flickering and my story mere words from completion i shot the cursor over to the save button and it was then that a boulder dropped from the heavens. i noticed that i was covered in shadow, looked up and at the last second jumped away as the boulder smashed my laptop to pieces! i lay there on the ground as the arcitc, monsoony weather subsided and returned to a blistering sunshine. it was then that i realised i hadn't hit save! the most basic of word commands - hit save! and i hadn't done it. i felt like a moron. of course that would have been no big deal if the .doc file hadn't been smashed into a million pieces by that boulder.

so really, what i'm saying is sleegi, i know exactly how you feel. don't worry, this is just a bump in the road on your journey to becoming a legend among legends!
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Liv909
 
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Liv
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Interesting story. I'm enjoying the strong grammar criticisms though. I feel like some things don't have to make sense grammatically as long as they make sense in the story.
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DaBraxMan
 
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Ethan
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Even then, it's fan fiction, not a research report. Grammar is important, but the content of the story is even more so. He has a magnificent grasp on both.
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Liv909
 
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Liv
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Exactly. I love seeing all the old generation writers that I grew up with and admired as a young kid reviving themselves. Sorry that your Word conked out but I'm sure it'll be worth it to wait for the final product, Sleegi!
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Kratos1
 
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Adam
ACNL Town
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3 episodes late. 2/13
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Bbykat51
 
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kassie
ACNH Town
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11/22 9:25am
I find waiting patiently for a writer to post their next chapter always pays off in the end.
Sleegi, I'm  sorry you lost your Word, but think of this as an opportunity to improve on what you had written and then lost. I'll be her to read it when you're done rewriting it.
Question, Is the word druggs similar to dregs in the way you referred to the lower class?

hunt, that was hilarious!
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hunt
 
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Hunt
ACGC Town
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as disappointing as it is to have only had one chapter so far, this is smart by sleegi.

in order to become a legend you have to fade away so that tales of your exploits become somewhat shrouded in mystery and mythology. instead of building up a huge, epic story before fading away to the cheers of his fans, sleegi has given us one chapter and left us hungry for more.

this is his legend.
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Kratos1
 
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Adam
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It's been 2 1/2 months since the first chapter. I am extremely disappointed with the quality of the following chapters. 0/10
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hunt
 
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Hunt
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masterpieces take time. mozart famously took 37 years to complete all his famous works!
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ocean1
 
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10/10, not only do I love your story, but I love how you've captured an audience to the point where they anticipate the next chapter. I applaud you.

*I also like how the title is "I Decide" and you decide when to post chapters, and I mean this in the best way possible.
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Sleegi
 
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Brett
ACNL Town
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Preface

Some of you may doubt this, and rightfully so, but I have spent every waking second of the last three years meticulously crafting this chapter. Pouring all of my heart and soul into the perfect second chapter to my fledgling epic. Months spent agonizing over the perfect wording to use, hours studying advanced story-telling techniques, and over an entire year proof-reading to ensure that Kratos1 can find no fault in my delivery. I've hired teams of authors, editors, and demographic analysts to ensure only the highest quality material reaches your precious eyes. This chapter is more to me than even a son, it is the culmination of everything I have ever worked towards my entire life. I hope you all enjoy the fruits of my labor, and hopefully I can get Chapter 3 crafted on a more... reasonable time-table. And yes, this is an adaptation of George Orwell's "Nineteen Eighty-Four" in case that wasn't obvious enough. However, many people have not read the book, and this is not a copy, so it provides me an interesting opportunity to share the points of the novel while crafting in my own narrative for you.

Chapter Two

As John stepped out of his state-appointed home, the rain picked up. Droplets of water splashed against his drab grey uniform, dampening it with a cold and bitter touch. It seemed that nothing in this world, not even rain, could bring joy anymore. Around him, other similarly dressed humans stepped from their identical homes. Almost in unison, the collective gathering of people began to make their way down the cobbled street as one.

Gleaming from television screens mounted on every street-light was the ever-present face of Big Brother. His ominous motto ever beneath his imposing face. Cameras seemed to be everywhere, facing every fathomable direction, following every person. The idea of privacy was one long forgotten by the people of Humandia. You did everything under the watch of Big Brother. You slept under his watch. You ate under his watch. You worked under his watch. You used the restroom under his watch. John even believed that the ministry had found a way to monitor his thoughts, and it was easy to see why. Nothing happened without Big Brother noticing.

But John didn’t concern himself with such things. Questioning the Ministry only led to “bad things” and a trip to the Department of Love. What was there to question after all? The Ministry provided them food, shelter, clothing, and purpose. One day even, if he worked hard enough, he might get to enjoy one of the state-sanctioned vacations to “The Lodge”, a scenic lodge in the northern forest reserved for high performing members of the party. With a prize such as that, who would ever dare to think against the Ministry?

As he continued down the road to his job at the Department of Truth, the enormous building that contained it came into sight. Slated grey like all the other structures and leagues taller, the three slogans of the department were painted neatly in gold on all sides:

_______WAR IS PEACE
_____FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
___IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

The slogan, long since engrained into the collective consciousness, were the embodiment of the Party. It played to a concept the Party had long since employed to educate the middle class: doublethink. The ability for any member of the party to hold two contradicting ideas as true at the same time. This was important since with the ever-changing nature of information, one did not want to find themselves accidently thinking against the Ministry. Better to let those in positions of authority make the decisions, and the lesser people to just fill them out. Safer that way.

Before he realized it, John was at the steps leading up to the Department of Truth. People filed up the stairs in neat, orderly, practiced lines. It was time to begin another day of service to the Ministry, and he didn’t want to be late.

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I have a new short story called [b]"The Existence Machine" [/b]
Go check it out! You can find it over on the creative writing board!
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Creative Writing Board » Topic: I Decide - Chapter Two (the long awaited follow-up chapter, three years in the making)

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