Case 0: Case of the Introduction (Not really a case, but hey, we needed a name that made it sound all detective-ey)
Bob: Hi there, everybody! You may know me as Bob. This could be because you read my previous comedy script, The Laughz, or it could be because I just told you. It could also be because it says so on the script.
Chief: Do you want to get to the point?
Al: YEAH, YOU'RE MAKING AN IDIOT OF YOURSELF ON THE VERY FIRST LINE YOU READ IN THE ENTIRE STORY.
Bob: *sigh* Fine, anyways, in the last chapter of The Laughz, we were going to start a new season, but I wanted to try a new approach. So I bought a magnifying glass, and now I am an official detective! So now, instead of just destroying things and causing mischief, I will now destroy things, cause mischief, AND solve crimes! Kill one bird with two stones, if you know what I'm saying!
Pikachu: Uhh, it's actually "Kill two birds with one stone".
Bob: Pikachu, we all know I don't have that good of an aim!
Pikachu: *sigh*
Bob: Anyways, guys, introduce yourselves!
Chief: I'm Chief. If you don't know who I am, look at Bob's avatar. Now you know who I am.
Al: I'M A TALKING SUIT OF ARMOR WHO TALKS IN ALL CAPS. I ENJOY CONSTRUCTION TOOLS. MAINLY HAMMERS. ONLY HAMMERS, NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
Ike: I'm in Fire Emblem. That's really about it.
Pikachu: If you don't know who I am, you must be living under a rock, which would be incredibly painful.
Bob: And I'm Bob! I'm not the cat Bob in Animal Crossing, no. My name is ACTUALLY Bob! Inconveniently, Bob the cat lives in my town. Now when I hear gossip from my villagers, I get all upset. Then I realize that they are not talking about me. Or maybe they are, I can never tell.
Chief: We honestly have no clue why we became detectives, it's just... We were... Uh... Impeached from office?
Ike: And by impeached, he means everyone threw bricks at us and told us to leave office.
Pikachu: Now our arch-nemesis, Link has taken power. Link cleverly disguises himself as a nice hero, when he's really a deadly criminal.
Bob: Now crime has run rampant, and we are going to stop it! ....And cause it!
Al: HOPEFULLY WE ARE NOT GOING TO GET CAUGHT.
Bob: And if we do, what are we going to do, lock ourselves up?!
Chief: Uh, help! I seem have gotten myself locked in this jail cell.
Bob: At least not purposely. I'm sure accidentally locking ourselves up will happen quite frequently.
Ike: Wow, Bob! You're using big words I've never heard you use before, like "frequently".
Bob: Yeah, I figured now that I'm a hard-boiled detective, it's time I increased my vocabulary. Now I'll say stuff like "Supercalifragulisticexpeallidocis", and "bread".
Bob (writer): I'm sure somewhere in there, I spelled that wrong. Ah well.
Pikachu: Stop breaking the fourth wall!
Ike: Are you serious? We've been doing that the entire chapter!
Pikachu: Shut up.
Bob: As you can see, our dysfunctional little brotherhood is, well, dysfunctional. We never accomplish anything, but we sure are hoping to catch a ton of criminals!
Al: AND KILL LINK.
Bob: No! Now that we're detectives, we don't "kill" anyone. We "Eradicate" them.
Bob (writer): Seeing as I had to use spellcheck on that word, no, we don't "eradicate" them. You're going to kill them because it's easy to spell.
Bob: Fine. Anyways, as soon as something of importance happens, we'll report our case here. Until then, we'll be probably be playing on the Wii U or something lame like that. See you then!
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
Thanks! I hope this will be more active than the Laughz was. I've planned it out a lot more. After a while, The Laughz was just filler until something important happened. Here, every case will fresh and exciting, funny and full of story. (Yes, I've turned a comedy into a story.)
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
this looks sweet bob. i cant wait to see what they get into now
Signature--------------
"Because I was "the smart one," I thought I was always right. I learned
"smart" and "wise" aren't always the same"-Vio, Four Swords Manga
Case 1: The Case of the Stolen Fence... And the HDLC
Bob: I hope we get a case soon, or I'll shoot the wall.
Chief: Nice Sherlock reference.
Al: YEAH, NICE REFERENCE, BUT DON'T SHOOT THE WALL. WE ARE KINDA SLIM ON BELLS, AND WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO REPAIR THE WALL.
They hear a knock on the door.
Pikachu: I got it!
Pikachu opens the door, to reveal Tom Nook.
Nook: You gotta help me, you're the new detectives, right?
Bob jumps up with his magnifying glass.
Bob: Yep! We haven't had a case yet, so you're our first customer!
Nook: There's been a break-in at my store. Someone stole a model fence. It's not really the fence I'm worried about... It's just, that I am hiding extremely illegal goods in my store, and knowing that someone could've found them... I just want to cut off the problem at the source. Catch the thief.
Al: DID YOU JUST ADMIT TO COMMITTING A CRIME?
Nook: No.
Bob: Say that last part again.
Nook: I want the thief to be caught.
Bob: No, before that.
Nook: I'm worried.
Bob: In between them.
Nook: I just want to cut off the problem at the source.
Bob: Book him.
They throw Nook in a jail cell.
Nook: Alright, alright! I admit to possessing illegal HDLC, or Hacked Downloadable Content.
Ike: I had no idea they had HDLC for New Leaf?
Nook: Yep. Us illegal dealers keep it so quiet, the law never finds out.
Pikachu: God, you're a stupid criminal.
Nook: *sigh* OK, I committed a crime, but I still need you to investigate, please!
Bob: Alright, let's go take a look.
They head up to Nook's Homes.
Ike: It seems as if someone smashed the window and came in after-hours.
Bob pulls out his magnifying glass and inspects the building.
Bob: Mmmmhmm. It's just as I imagined.
Al: WHAT'D YOU FIND?
Bob: This magnifying glass is amazing! I used to have a pair of reading glasses, but forget those, this thing rules! I can see each individual wood grain on the wall!
Pikachu: Uhh, Bob, do you want to be productive?
Chief: You actually care?
Pikachu: Yeah. Detective work is a gold mine, and I've got big plans for when we retire. We could all buy private islands! But we're going to need to actually work to get them.
Pikachu pulls out a fingerprint dusting kit and checks the area where the model fence once was.
Ike: Hm, it seems to be a cat's print. That can mean only one thing. Bob did it!
Bob: What? No!
Ike: Not you Bob, the other Bob!
Bob: Oh that clears things up!
Ike: *facepalm* The CAT named BOB! It's a CAT print.
Bob: Oooooooh!
They go confront Bob the cat.
Chief: Bob, you in there?
Bob the Cat: Yeah!
Bob the cat opens the door.
Bob the Cat: How can I help you?
Al: YOU'RE COMING WITH US!
They head back to their house, now equipped with an interrogation room.
Bob: What color is my underwear?
Chief: You already used that joke in The Laughz.
Bob: OK, well this isn't The Laughz, now is it?
Chief: ....No.
Bob: Good. Now anyways, why would you steal that fence?
Bob the Cat: Hey man, Nook charges thousands for fencing. C'mon! I won't be able to eat if I buy a fence. I saw no other option. Nook is just swimming in bells, and yet he can't just give me a fence, or at least for a discount!
Nook, who is listening in a corner, pipes in.
Nook: Hey, why don't you get a job! Then you could afford it.
Ike: Shut up.
Bob the Cat: And so... I figured, hey! I'll be like Robin Hood here. So I even stole some cash, since most people are tight on it. I ran around, handing off money.
Pikachu held back tears.
Pikachu: You're such a hero...
Al didn't.
Al: YOU'RE SO BRAVE!!! SIGN MY HELMET PLEASSSEE, YOU'RE SO INSPIRATIONAL!!!
Nook: Are you kidding me?
Al: SHUT UPPPPP!!!!!!!!!
Nook: I'm sick of this crap.
Nook stands up and walks out of the unlocked cell.
Bob: Chief...
Chief: So I uh, ate the key, and wasn't able to lock the cell.
Ike: You ate it?
Chief: More or less.
Al punches Chief in the stomach-
Al: WITHOUT ANY HANDS, HECK YEAH, BRINGING THIS JOKE BACK!
And the key flies out.
Bob: Well, thanks for your time Bob. You're free to go. If I had a Medal of Honor, I'd give it to ya. You're a real inspiration.
Bob the Cat: Any time.
Bob: Now... We have a criminal to catch.
Bob puts on sunglasses and pulls out a revolver.
Bob: Let's go.
Bob slowly walks after Nook, who is running to his store.
Chief: Why are we walking?
Bob: That's what all the detectives do.
Al: AT LEAST I GET MY HAMMER.
Pikachu: I get electricity, which I always get, but you know.
After a slow walk through the town, they have Nook pinned in Nook's Homes. Nook failed to remember the window was smashed, so they just climbed right in.
Ike: Alright, you're under arrest!
Nook: Don't hurt me!
Bob: We won't hurt you... Sorry Al.
Al: AWW...
Bob: We just want to ask some questions.
Nook: Like what?
Bob: What type of HDLC do you have.
Nook pulls out a remote, and presses the button.
Nook: I won't tell you!
Miley Cyrus: I came in like A WRECCKKKKING BALLLLL!
Miley Cyrus comes in and destroys the building.
Nook that was the wrong button, but, oh well!
Nook runs away.
Bob: Welp. That sucked.
Chief: Hey, I'd say this was a success, we learned Nook is a criminal.
Bob: We basically knew that.
Chief: Oh yeah. At least we met Miley.
Bob: No, that sucks, too.
Chief: Well, then this case was a failure.
Bob: Yep. We'll get him next time. We're still noobs in detective work. See ya next time, where we hopefully get a criminal!
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
Signature--------------
"Because I was "the smart one," I thought I was always right. I learned
"smart" and "wise" aren't always the same"-Vio, Four Swords Manga
when he ask what color is his underwear. spongebob ask mr krabs that when him and squidward are interrogating him because they thought he was a robot
Signature--------------
"Because I was "the smart one," I thought I was always right. I learned
"smart" and "wise" aren't always the same"-Vio, Four Swords Manga
Resetti: Hey punks! Er.... Friends? Maybe amigos? I don't know? How do you chums treat each other?
Bob: *sigh* Resetti, just hurry up, what do you want?
Resetti: Sorry, punks. Er... Guys? Anyways, someone has been resetting like crazy, but I've never been able to catch them in the act and give them a stern talking to. I swear, when I GET MY HANDS ON THEM, THEY WILL REGRET THE DAY THEY-
Al: CALM DOWN! WE'LL FIND THEM.
Pikachu: Do you have any leads for us?
Resetti: None. The alarm has been going off like crazy, and the pipes just shoot me to the scene of the crime. But when I get there, the place is deserted. No footprints, no nothin'.
Bob: Hmmm. Do you think they're doing this just to mess with you?
Resetti: Maybe... Er.... No, definitely not.
Ike: What did you just say?
Resetti: I'm not sure.
Ike: Okay, then...
Resetti: Alright, I'll tell you! Geez, stop asking me! It has to be a two-man team. One guy is resetting to trigger the alarm and get me out of the Surveillance Center, while one guy comes in and...
Bob: And?
Resetti: StealsmyillegalHDLC!
Chief: Say that slower...
Resetti: Steals my illegal HDLC...
Al: IS EVERYONE AN ILLEGAL HDLC DEALER?!
Resetti: Yeah, a lot of people are.
Ike: Then how about one of us stakes out in the Reset Surveillance Center and keeps watch, then when the alarm goes off, we can catch the robber in the act.
Resetti: Sounds great, but am I in trouble for having illegal stuff?
Bob: Naaaah, everyone does apparently.
Resetti: Thanks punks! Er, chaps.
Pikachu: I'll hide out, since I'm the smallest.
STAKEOUT TIME!!!!!!!!!
Pikachu: Good luck, and if you don't make it back, I'll tell your wife you loved her.
Resetti: I'm not dying, and I'm not married.
Pikachu: Lame!
Resetti: What, you think it's lame that I'm not married?
Bob (writer): I apologize for the sound effects, we are on a tight budget and can't afford higher quality sound.
Pikachu: That's okay.
Bob (writer): I wasn't even talking to you.
Pikachu: Well excuuuuuuse me! I am listening to your terrible sound effects, too, aren't I?
Bob (writer): That's harsh! I tried my best.
Pikachu: Hey, that's okay, bring it in.
Pikachu and Bob hug. Even though Bob doesn't even really exist in that dimension. I just blew your mind.
Bob the cat walks in.
Bob the cat: Hmmm, where are those HDLCs?
Pikachu: Ahah! You're under arrest!
Bob the cat: Huh?
Pikachu: We should've got you the first chance we had!
Bob the cat: Whoa whoa whoa! I wasn't here to rob Resetti! You misheard me! I didn't say "Where are those HDLCs" I said, "Dang, those siren effects sound HD."
Bob (writer): Thank you!
Bob the cat: So, if you could please turn me loose, I'd appreciate it.
Pikachu: Hmm, seems legit.
Bob (writer): Oh please, even if he was complimenting me, I still know he's lying.
Pikachu: You're right. That seems un-legit. You're back in prison, bub.
END OF SUCCESSFUL STAKEOUT!!!!!!!!!!
Pikachu: Look who I caught.
Bob: Really? Bob?
Bob the cat: So we meet again, Bob.
Bob: Prepare to die, Bob.
Bob the cat: .... Bob.
Bob: Bob.
Al: C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Chief: I'm ashamed in you, Bob.
Bob: What did I do?
Chief: Not you!
Bob: Oh.
Bob the cat: Hey, what can I say, times are tough-
Ike: You already used that excuse.
Chief: Seriously, you can't blame the times for your kleptomania.
Bob the cat: Hey, those were some good HDLC. He also had Super Smash Bros for the Wii U.
Bob: Oh, man, can I get that?
Al: BOB.
Bob: Sorry...
Pikachu: So, who's your associate?
Bob the cat: I'll never tell you! I'll never tell anyone!
Al: FREE FOOD IF YOU TELL US.
Bob the cat: Curse... You... Lazy... Personality.... ALRIGHT! IT WAS LINK!
Bob: So... The mayor himself is running an illegal HDLC trading ring right under the law's noses. Not any longer.
Bob the cat: But I thought it was okay since everyone does it?
Chief: Not any longer. We've changed our minds.
Bob the cat: But what-
Resetti: Hey guys, what's up?
Ike: You're under arrest.
They throw Resetti and Bob in jail.
Bob: Alright! Two criminals in one chapter, really makes up for losing a criminal last chapter!
Chief: Yeah, now we need to get Link.
Al: WILL WE GET LINK? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT CHAPTER OF-
Bob: No, we won't, we'll save that for a finale.
Al: SPOILER ALERT!
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
awesome and hilarious chapter as usual. wonder what the next case will be
Signature--------------
"Because I was "the smart one," I thought I was always right. I learned
"smart" and "wise" aren't always the same"-Vio, Four Swords Manga
Case 3: The Angry Arsonist (But I guess you'd have to be pretty angry to burn down a house, anyways...)
They get a knock on the door.
Bob: Wow, they don't even let us do introductions anymore! Rude!
Chief: Yeah, but I guess we're doing one now.
Al: I LIKE INTRODUCING THINGS. IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL!
Pikachu: Why?
Al: I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE POWER... TO TALK BEFORE OTHERS DO!
Ike: But Bob and Chief talked before you...
Bob: What were we talking about?
They get another knock on the door.
Bob: Oh yeah! I forgot! I was going to go water my vegetables.
Ike: Since when did you have a vegetable garden?
Bob: I don't.
Copper kicks down the door.
Copper: I hate all of you. Still.
Bob: Howdy friend!
Copper: Look, shut up. All of you.
Al: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
Copper: You just did.
Al: GOOD POINT.
Copper: Shut up. Anyways. There's been an arson, and our best guys couldn't figure it out, so... (I never thought I'd say this...) Will you guys help?
Chief: We're private detectives, we have to be hired PRIVATELY. We don't deal with scum like you.
Bob: No! Don't listen to him! We still need money, so we'll take the case.
Copper: Good. Meet us at the crime scene as soon as possible. Goodbye.
Ike: Wait! Where is the crime scene?
Copper: It's the flaming house.
Pikachu: You didn't put it out?
Copper: What do I look like to you? Einstein?
Pikachu: ... That doesn't answer my question.
Copper runs away.
Bob: Hm.
SUPER AWESOME CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION TIME!!!!!!!
Reporter: What's your name?
Bob holds out his hand-drawn detective license.
Bob: It's Bob. James Bob.
Al: SAVE THAT FOR THE SPY SEQUEL.
Bob: Good point. I'm Sherbob Holmes.
Reporter: ...
Bob: Fine, Bob.
Reporter: So, tell me what you think about this.
Bob: The house is on fire, so it, um... Definitely a fire, of some sorts. Judging by the burn marks, I'd say this house was made of wood.
Reporter: Anything else?
Al: HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. THIS WAS CLEARLY THE WORK OF ALIENS.
Chief: Nonsense! There would be crop circles! It had to be the city of Atlantis!
Everyone: Huh?
Chief: Clearly, the city of Atlantis fell onto this house, crushing it, as the structure has collapsed. Then, since everyone knows that the city of Atlantis flies around with jetpacks on the bottom, the jetpacks burned up the wood. It's simple.
Copper: How about instead of making stupid guesses, you get to work finding out who really did it?
Chief: It was a logical guess...
They do some investigation.
Bob: Look! The oven was off! So that clearly rules that out.
Pikachu: Way to go Bob! So you've finally decided to actually work? I mean hey, we'll get rich quick if we try.
Al: GUYS, YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH. LOOK- A POLICE BADGE. IT EITHER HAD TO BE COPPER OR BOOKER.
Ike: That's cheating! You can't just solve the cases like that!
Al: I AM SORRY FOR MY GIFT OF CLAIRVOYANCE, IT COMES NATURALLY AND DOESN'T HAVE AN OFF SWITCH I DON'T THINK.
Bob: Nope, here it is.
Bob flicks a switch labeled 'Clairvoyance'.
Al: SWEET, THANKS.
They go to confront Copper, who is not wearing a badge.
Chief: Aha! You aren't wearing a badge!
Copper: So?
Ike: We found this in the fire.
Copper: I could have dropped it while investigating, that proves nothing.
Pikachu: Nope! Because it's covered in char-marks, right from when the fire started. You started the fire, then it fell as you were running away.
Copper: Darn it! I would've got away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your MUTT!
Chief: Hey! And you're a dog, too...
Copper: Meh.
END OF SUPER AWESOME CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION YAAAAAAAAY!!
They have Copper tied up in their interrogation room.
Bob: Why would you start an investigation against yourself?
Copper: No one could find any evidence against me, but they said 'Oh, go get those private investigators, then we'll drop the case if they can't find anything.' I didn't think you guys were that good.
Bob: We're always...
Bob puts on some glasses.
Bob: That good. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Copper: Welp, that sucks.
Al: WHY'D YOU DO IT, ANYWAYS?
Copper: Because. That's Booker's house. I hate Booker. Everyone gives him credit when I'm the one who does everything!
Ike: So you burned his house down?
Copper: Meh. I still have this. Nook lent it to me!
Copper presses the button to summon Miley Cyrus.
Nothing.
Bob: .... ?
Al: SHE'S NOT COMING IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL.
Copper: Crap! I forgot! She's on tour right now...
They throw Copper in jail.
Bob: You know what they say about Miley...
Bob puts on glasses.
Bob: She can't stop. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
Signature--------------
"Because I was "the smart one," I thought I was always right. I learned
"smart" and "wise" aren't always the same"-Vio, Four Swords Manga
Bob (writer): This is based on a true story. Sort of.
Bob: Yep, we were in the middle of an important case when BOOM! Someone steals my Resee's cup.
Ike: We weren't working on a case...
Bob: Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm a psychic detective like the dude from Psych. I forsaw the case. It's a big one.
Al: BUT THE GUY FROM PSYCH IS FAKING IT.
Bob: So am I, but I'm faking it pretty darn well.
Pikachu: Good point. So tell us more about this Resee's cup.
Bob: Well, this morning I had my Resee's cup stashed away along with all of my posters of Zelda... Er, I mean uh, my posters of Peach, no I meant my posters of Samus. Dang it! I had it stored away in a location I don't remember.
Chief: It was Zelda, I remember.
Everyone turns to stare at Chief.
Chief: What? I've lived with Bob for a long time, I know about his secret posters of Zelda he kisses every night...
Everyone glares at Chief.
Chief: You don't think I really stole it?! I'm a dog, I can't eat chocolate!
Bob: Anyways... As I was saying, I left this morning, and it was there. But when I got back from doing some grocery shopping, it was gone.
Al: THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST BUY ANOTHER?
Bob: I don't know, probably because I didn't know SOMEONE WOULD STEAL IT!
Al: I THOUGHT YOU WERE PSYCHIC, LIKE THE GUYS ON PSYCH.
Bob: They're not actually psychic, they fake it!
Al: BUT YOU SAID-
Bob: Forgot what I said!
Pikachu: How are you going to find out who stole your candy?
Bob: Using my expert sleuthing skills... And my revolver. Fess up, or Chief gets it.
Chief: Wait what?
Bob: If no one fesses up, I'm giving you my revolver. Then you can kill whoever you think stole it. Then I'll have a reason to arrest you, since I KNOW YOU DID IT!
Ike: What makes you think it was him? It could've been me.
Bob points the revolver at Ike.
Ike: I'm such an idiot. Look, my point is, you're just throwing accusations around willy-nilly with no hard evidence. You need to investigate.
Pikachu: Yeah! Search for clues! It could've been Al!
Al: WHAT, NO! I'M A SUIT OF ARMOR INCAPABLE OF DEVOURING FOODSTUFF.
Pikachu: You fessed up to eating the cake I left in the fridge yesterday...
Al: SEE, AT LEAST I'M HONEST!
Pikachu: You just lied!
Chief: Ah what the heck, madness is about to ensue.
Chief punches Bob in the face.
All of the sudden, everyone gets into a fight.
Al: I HATE YOU!
Pikachu: I HATE YOU MORE!
Al: IMPOSSIBLE! I HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT... I HATE YOU!
Al and Pikachu start hugging very tightly.
Ike: I DIDN'T EAT YOUR CANDY, BUT I WANT TO EAT YOU!
Ike runs away swinging his sword around trying to hit Bob, while Bob is beating up Chief.
Chief: DIE!
Chief grabs Bob's revolver and begins firing it around in the air.
Suddenly- A knock on the door.
Al: WHY ARE THESE SO FREQUENT NOWADAYS?
Bob lets go of Chief and heads to the door. He opens it up to reveal Copper.
Copper: Hey.
Copper hands Bob a Resee's cup.
Copper: I forgot to tell you, this afternoon I came over to find you, but you weren't there. Your door was open, so I walked in. I headed to your room and found a stash of Zelda posters hidden in plain site. I found a Resee's cup just sitting there, so I uh... Took it. It was delicious. Now it's around midnight, and no one can sleep because of your fighting. I got you this new one, so just take your dang Resee's cup so we can all sleep in peace.
Bob stares at Copper.
Copper: You gonna take it?
Bob grabs the Resee's cup, punches Copper in the face, then slams the door.
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
Bob (writer): So! That's essentially what has happened to me in a nutshell. Only no one has confessed yet, so here I sit typing. Alone and Resee-less. But you can help. Please donate by calling (123) 456-7890 Or by texting "shutup" to 123456. Thank you.
Bob: I'm sorry for the real version of me for being an idiot, and for this not being a case. But hey, sometimes you've gotta use brute force and intimidation instead of classic detective methods. See you next time on America's favorite game show: Wheeeeel Offfff FORTUNE!
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
lol, you never fail to please, i wounder what Link would say if he knew Bob had "secret" posters of his girlfriend in his room
Signature--------------
"Because I was "the smart one," I thought I was always right. I learned
"smart" and "wise" aren't always the same"-Vio, Four Swords Manga
I'm feeling bored and inspired, and have been working on this one for awhile, which just so happens to coincide with my latest real-life mystery.
Case 5: The Murderous Mayor
A long time ago day later, in a galaxy, far, far away the town hall, sat Link, the evil and corrupt mayor of Limmat, to some, he was a hero. To others, a tyrant.
Link: Pelly, wash my feet.
Pelly: Please sir, no offense, but your feet smell awful.
Link: Wash my feet or I'll cut your head off! ... I mean I'll cut your wages.
Pelly began washing Link's dirty feet.
Link: Phyllis, bring me Smash Bros. for the Wii U.
Phyllis: Whatever... Wait, that hasn't come out yet.
Link: Then FIND IT! Isabelle, feed me grapes and fan me with a palm.
Isabelle: Yes sir...
All of the sudden, Astrid walks in.
Link: How may I help you?
Astrid: Is this where I pay for PWPs?
Link: That depends... How much money do you have?
Link sat up in interest.
Astrid: Let's see... About two-hundred and fifty thousand. I've decided to donate all of my life savings, because I think having a "death ray" in our town sounds cool. What's a death ray?
Link pulls out his sword.
Link: You won't be alive to find out, sorry.
Link kills Astrid and takes her purse.
Pelly: That's an all-time low for you!
Link: Not really, now make sure this death ray is built BY TOMORROW!
Pelly: You're giving them one day?
Link: YES! NOW DO IT!
THE NEXT DAY AT THE LAUGHZ HOUSE!!!!!
Al is reading the newspaper-
Al: WITHOUT HANDS!
Chief: You don't need hands to read a newspaper.
Al: YOU DO TO HOLD IT.
Chief: You could set it down.
Al: FINE. WITHOUT EYES!
Anyways... Al is reading the newspaper, without eyes.
Al: DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THE NEW DEATH RAY PWP? APPARENTLY NINTENDO DISTRIBUTED IT AS DLC.
Bob: Why can't they do that in the real game?! Wait, you did just say death ray?
Al: YEP, LINK HAD ONE BUILT... AND IT'S... UH... FACING OUR HOUSE.
They all run outside to see a death ray pointed straight at their house.
Ike: This is not good. He's going to kill us!
Pikachu: No he's not, we're invincible, remember?
Bob (writer): No you're not. I decided to switch it up in this fan-fic. You guys are fully mortal. Good luck...
Pikachu: Why'd you do that?
Bob (writer): I think it would be kind of hilarious if one of you died.
Ike: You're sick.
Bob (writer): I actually am. Got a little cold or something.
Chief: Anyways, bigger problem here, death ray!
Link: Too late.
GASP!
Bob: Link! What do you want from us?
Link: Your death. You fellows have gotten to be better detectives than I'd imagined, so I'll just need to kill you off to keep running my illegal operations.
Al: THAT'S COLD MAN.
Link: Fire up the death ray, Nook!
Tom Nook turns on the death ray, all it does is make a sound and some light.
Link: What the heck, you've gotta be kiddin' me! Did we get a faulty one?
Ike: No, you got a PWP. They never actually do anything, so if you want a death ray, you'll have to build one yourself. Since I'm the nice one here, here are some blueprints.
Link: Uhhh, thanks? Come on Nook, we've got people to kill.
Chief: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE OUR ENEMY INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO BUILD A DEATH RAY?!?!
Ike: I'm nice.
Bob: Come on, let's chase 'em!
They all run to the town hall.
Pikachu: Hello, anybody here?
They hear the muffled shouts of what sounds like Isabelle.
Al: ISABELLE? WHERE ARE YOU?
They find her tied up in a supply closet.
Isabelle: I'm never been so happy to see you! Come to think of it, this is the ONLY time I've been happy to see you! You guys were dopey mayors, but I'd prefer an idiot for mayor than a killer.
Chief: Where did they go? We saw them run in here but never come out.
Isabelle: Link is going to kill me for telling you guys this, but... There are secret underground passages where illegal trades go on. They connect every building with some illegal operation, you've got town hall, Nook's store, Club LOL-
Bob: Really, Club LOL?
Isabelle: You think Shrunk is NOT hiding something illegal? Have you seen that guy?
Pikachu: Where is the entrance to the passage?
Isabelle pulls a book out of a bookcase- a secret lever. All of the sudden, the floor starts shaking, then several wood panels seem to go into the ground, revealing a staircase.
Al: HOLY MACKEREL.
Bob: Let's get moving.
Bob pulls out a lantern and slowly begins moving down the stairs.
Bob: Isabelle, real quick, how do we get to Nook's? They'll probably be heading towards there.
Isabelle: You'll want to just follow the signs. He wants customers so badly, he invites thieves and HDLC dealers into his shop.
They follow the signs through the twists and turns of the underground tunnels without many problems. They end up in what looks like a basement. There, Link and Nook and working on the death ray.
Nook: You're sure they didn't follow us?
Link: I'm sure. They don't know about the tunnels, and Isabelle is too big of an idiot to tell them.
Chief: No one talks about my woman like that!
Everyone stares at Chief.
Chief: ... I mean, she's kinda cute.
Nook and Link stare out the exit, and see Chief standing there, whisper-shouting.
Nook: Hey! Who is that?
Link: It's one of those Laughz idiots.
Al jumps out with a sledgehammer.
Al: WE MAY BE IDIOTS, BUT WE'RE IDIOTS WITH HAMMERS!
Bob: Yeah, we're here to stop you!
Nook: You're too late, it's finished. Once I hit this button, you're all dead.
Everyone brandishes weapons, except Ike.
Chief: Ike, c'mon, we're gonna charge them!
Ike: Nah, let 'em fire. Who cares if we die?
Bob: We do! You got us into this mess, you'll help us get out of it!
Link: Hah! While you were all talking, we hit the button!
The death ray begins shooting off... Ice cream?
Ike: Yum! Did you idiots even read the top of the blue print?
Link: Uhhhh....
Link plays the Song of Time and teleports back to the Temple of Time, AKA the town hall?
Nook: Yeah yeah, I'm under arrest, blah blah blah.
Al: WOW IKE, NICE MOVE YOU PLAYED THERE.
Ike: Thanks. I was banking on them not reading it. And it worked!
Chief: Too bad Link got away, but at least we've got Nook! Again!
Bob: Maybe this time we'll lock the cell door...
Signature--------------
Chief is awesome.
R.I.P. Buddy 1998-2015 Best dog to ever live
Posted:
3/5/2014 4:50pm
Edited: 1
I nearly lost it at the Miley part!
STAKEOUT TIME!!!!!!!!! 
END OF SUCCESSFUL STAKEOUT!!!!!!!!!! 
Side
SUPER AWESOME CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION TIME!!!!!!! 
THE NEXT DAY AT THE LAUGHZ HOUSE!!!!! 
