Soooo.......hey there! I'm DarkMuffin and this is my first fanfic on ACC and in fact my first fanfic ever. 0_o
I wouldn't normally write and post this stuff on forums buuuuut some nice people over at ComputerFan's Fanfic Competition thread suggested I take part. So here I am.
As I've never written a fanfic before so any and all comments/advice will be greatly appreciated. I hope my story isn't too bland or confusing for anyone but you never know~
Without further adieu, I present The Secret of Rivendale. ~ PROLOGUE ~
'Dearest Mother,
I apologize for not writing to you in some time, lately I have been swept up in a whirlwind of events. I won't bore you with the details however, I'm only writing to let you know I am safe and well. Perhaps later I shall tell you of my adventures since leaving you and moving away.
Love you, take care ok?
- Elisa'
I sighed and folded the letter in half, gently sliding the paper into an envelope and placing it beside me on the old wooden bench. It felt strange writing to her after so long, would she even remember me? Do I even truly remember her anymore? My memories seem so distant now, slowly floating away from my mind like a petal on the ocean's waves. I've since forgotten most of my past, almost as though everything was erased completely. I ran a hand through my messy dark brown hair, resting it on the top of my head as though to help me think. My tired mind was filled with thoughts, their loud voices cluttered my head making it hard to even think straight. Every day now I'm afraid of losing myself. Ever since I became alone I haven't ate or slept, who knows how many days I've been like this.
Perhaps I should piece together the events that led me here, maybe then I might truly remember everything....... So there's my basic start to the story, I would have done a bit more but Chapter One will establish the baseline of the story and such, so it will probably take up a good amount of words. I might type it up by tomorrow though~
I stood proudly on the train station platform, taking a deep breath to calm myself as I stared at the train, my future. The billowing smoke from the train engine drifted overhead, swirling above me in a hazy dance. I stared at it with my large round hazel eyes for what seemed like hours before a tap on my right shoulder jolted me away from my dream. I turned to face my mother, her eyes were glistening with tears, one hand gently covered over her mouth. I hated seeing her like this.
"Mum, don't worry. I'll be fine, really." I reached out my right hand to comfort her, resting it atop her shoulder. She gave a weak smile and pulled me into a warm embrace, a few tears rolling down her cheeks and landing on my back.
"I know....I....I just want you be careful ok?" She choked out her words slowly, I gave a reassuring pat on her back before stepping away. Giving a little twirl and a beaming smile, I hopped aboard the nearest train carriage and turned back to wave once more.
"I promise I'll write to you as soon as I arrive!"
She gave a little wave in return, blowing a kiss and mouthing 'love you' as the train slowly lurched into motion. When mum was out of my sight I let out a deep sigh, flopping carelessly onto a nearby seat. Mum had always been a little....defensive of me to say the least. It was a miracle she was even letting me move out on my own, to a quiet town on a faraway island no less. Before I could even relax however, a loud clear voice sounded from the seat opposite to me.
"Hello! Is this seat taken?"
My eyes drifted over to him, the stubby blue cat with the piercing red eyes. A bright, cheerful grin plastered on his face, as he sat down in front of me without a second thought.
"So....where are you headed to?" "Um, Rivendale...."
He seemed startled as I mumbled the town name, his eyes growing wide with a mix of surprise and concern. I didn't take much notice though, as far as I knew Rivendale was an average town, plain even. There was no reason for him to react in such a way to it's mention.
"My name's Rover by the way, what's yours?"
Rover seemed a little uncomfortable as I simply stared at blankly him, wondering why on earth he was talking to me. After a while he began talking on his accord, discussing the weather and how often he rode the rails nowadays. I would merely give a half-hearted nod or murmur of agreement now and then, too tired of worry and excitement of my move to fully enjoy a conversation. A sharp noise echoed across the train carriage as an overhead speaker crackled to life, interrupting his speech.
"Now arriving in Rivendale.....next stop Rivendale...."
My arms and legs slowly stretched upwards before pushing myself off the warm carriage seat. Only taking a few steps away before glancing over my shoulder at Rover, who seemed crestfallen our little meeting had been cut short. A warm smile spread across my face as he looked back up to wave goodbye, he seemed nice enough.
"Hey Rover?" "Yes?" "My name is Elisa, pleasure to meet you." [b]Blargh, terrible writing is terrible! xD
Ah well, hopefully things will finally pick up when we actually get to Rivendale. Thanks for reading~
Upon stepping off the train I was greeted by a very loud and cheerful welcoming committee, consisting of various short animals much like Rover. Some of them were holding streamers and banners, though I had trouble making out the words scrawled on as I was quickly quickly surrounded by everyone. Murmurs and whispers spread around the semi-circle in front of me, a few eyes glanced up and seemed to study my face intently.
"Is she really our new mayor?" "She seems a little young..." "Are we sure they were arriving today?"
I raised a questioning eyebrow and quickly spun around to face the train tracks, however there was no-one else behind me. Turning back, I was greeted by a very peppy Shih Tzu who was beaming a bright smile. She gave a deep bow and clapped her hands together, the group of animals settled down and looked up at her. The little dog cleared her throat and addressed them.
"Thank you all for attending the welcoming of Rivendale's new mayor, I'm sure this young aspiring lady shall lead our town in a new era of peace and prosperity!" Upon finishing her speech the crowd erupted into cheers, someone to the side was even doing back-flips. I gazed over the joyous faces of the animals, a little confused and concerned as to what was happening but I was still happy to see such energetic townsfolk.
"Um....thank you all for this welcome but....I believe there's been a mista-" My words were cut shot by the Shih Tzu quickly covering my mouth with a soft fluffy paw. I looked out of the corner of my eye to her, a little annoyed at the sudden action. She merely returned my gaze with a fake smile, eventually turning to face the crowd again.
"What our new mayor is trying to say is that she believes the future of our town is going to be brighter then ever! However before we can start work, our dear mayor will need a little rest. I do hope you all look forward to seeing her again soon!"
Another paw gently poked my ribs as she ushered me forwards, through the still pumped crowd. I tried wriggling out of the way and find my own space but she seemed to ignore me, giving me encouraging nudges towards an unknown destination. We both walked in silence until we came upon an old, dull-gray and brown building. A soft chime rang through the quiet air as the clock above the door signaled a new hour. My shoes made soft 'clicks' as they walked over the aged stone tiles scattered in front of the building. She opened the door and welcomed me inside. At first I was skeptical and still incredibly confused as to what was happening, so I only took a few tentative steps forward into the warm interior. The inside made it clear I was inside the Town Hall. A long wooden bench stretched across the center of the room, creating a barrier to the back part of the room. Stacks of papers and various items lay on the back wall's shelves and cabinets, a small plaque labelled 'Mayor's Desk' sat on a small black desk behind the main counter. The whole room felt very cozy yet official, I was quite impressed such a small town even had a Town Hall so large even though most of the room was taken up by desks and chairs.
"Do you like it?"
The Shih Tzu was looking expectantly at me a slight smirk on her face, she must have known how much I was enjoying myself. I gave a slight nod and continued looking over the room as she went on to explain how everything worked.
"This is the front counter where I deal with any villagers who have questions about the town, and this here is the list of town events......."
She droned on, seemingly absorbed in telling me every little detail. I would nod on occasion but my mind was focused elsewhere, repeating the same thought over and over. The picture beside the plaque on the 'Mayor's Desk' was bothering me, I stepped closer to hold it up and inspect it. The picture was of a very elderly tortoise wearing a dusty old top hat. He sported a a large grin and was surrounding by many other animals, some of which I recognized from the welcome earlier.
"Ah, I see you found the picture of our old mayor! I'll have to remember to replace it with a photo of you." The dog grabbed a nearby clipboard and pen, quickly jotting some notes down.
"Um....I think you've confused me with someone else. I'm only moving to this town, not becoming the mayor." "Mm-hmm." "So...if you wouldn't mind showing me to my house...." "Uh-huh." "......Are you even listening to me?"
The Shih Tzu stopped writing on her clipboard and looked straight at me, her cheerful demeanor suddenly vanishing and being replaced with an eerily serious face. She gently placed the board and pen on a desk and walked slowly up to me, each step sending a chill up my spine. When we finally stood face to face a sly grin spread across her lips, her eyes cold and sharp. Her voice dropped to a low, threatening whisper that made me cringe in fear.
"Oh but I'm afraid you don't have a choice really. You must be our new mayor." [b]Oooo possible mystery? Who knows!
On a another note, I'm entering this poorly written story into Computerfan's Fanfic Competition. You should try sending in an audition if you got some time, they're still eager to find some more competitors~
I stood still, frozen in a horrifying mixture of fear and confusion. Her words seemed to hang in the thick tension-filled air, but they never truly connected with my mind. Over and over I repeated what she said, trying to figure out just what on earth was happening. I wanted to pinch myself and wake up but my body refused to move.
"Now that that's settled, I believe I haven't told you my name yet. I'm Isabelle!" The Shih Tzu began smiling again, acting as though nothing had happened. "You can probably tell how I got my name."
A little red band with some bells attached was tying back her fluffy golden hair in a bun, a faint 'jingle' could be heard as she moved her head. I wouldn't know it, but that sound would eventually be burned into my memory forever. For now, it gave me a little comfort. I stood up straight and decided not to question things, in the hope that it would all be explained later.
"So....should I go see my new house?" "Oh! I nearly forgot about that, silly me!"
Isabelle's mood immediately brightened, quickly grabbing a few papers and her trusty pen and clipboard. Leading me outside the Town Hall into the warm summer evening. The first thing I noticed about the town was the slight slope it was built upon, with the Town Hall having a perfect view of the whole town and the beach at the bottom. As we slowly made our way down towards the ocean, I began enjoying all the little things I saw. Walking across a smooth cobblestone bridge I glanced down at the river below, it's slow rhythmic water flow adding a calm atmosphere to the quiet town. Many flowers of varying colours and species were in bloom around us and some trees even had some temptingly sweet peaches. When we finally arrived at a rather shabby looking shack I was too busy admiring the environment to take much notice. That is, until Isabelle told me what said shack was.
"Welcome to your new home!"
My jaw hung agape in astonishment, it couldn't be possible that this.....thing was even a house! She opened the door to show me the inside which was surprisingly a little bigger than the outside, though that didn't amount to much. A thick stuffy layer of dust coated every inch of the interior, tickling my nose and throat. Cobwebs that appeared to be ancient were draped across the roof and corners, a few spiders quickly scurrying to gaps in the walls and floors to escape the sudden brightness that spilled in from the doorway. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and turned to Isabelle, wanting some serious answers.
"Just what the heck is this?!" "Well this our old mayor's house of course! He never really used it though, he preferred sleeping inside the Town Hall." She had a smug look, as though daring me to argue. I decided not to take any chances however and begrudgingly accepted the keys to the house from her.
"Now that's all settled, you can take the rest of the day off. Introduce yourself to villagers and whatnot, or try cleaning up that mess if you want." She finished with a smirk and began walking back up the gentle slope, leaving me to myself.
I sat on the soft grass in front of my new 'home', deciding to take in the gorgeous ocean view meters away from the doorstep. The gentle lap of the waves rolling over the smooth sand lulled me into a relaxing nap. I closed my eyes and let a warm smile spread across my face, stretching my arms over my head as I got comfortable.
"Perhaps this won't be so bad after all..." I murmered sleepily, stifling a yawn. A quiet rustle to my left disturbed my peaceful state, urging me to open an eye in curiosity.
[i]"Hello there! You must be the new girl in town, Elisa right?"
I sat up to get a better look at him, the pale white squirrel with the bright refreshing smile. He offered his paw to help me stand up, which I gladly accepted. He was a little short much like everyone else I had seen so far in town, but he was defiantly nicer then a certain dog I had only just gotten rid of. He was wearing a pale white khaki shirt and pants, giving off a tropical vibe. As I stood up to get a better look, he cleared his throat and began speaking as I brushed a few blades of grass off my clothes.
"Well, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" He gave a devilish smirk which grew into a wide grin as I burst into laughter. I just couldn't help but laugh at his cheesiness, it was too much for me! It'd been so long since I had laughed, the squirrel was happy to wait for me to quiet down before introducing himself.
"My name's Marshall, the most fabulous resident around. Well, apart from Flora the flamingo of course." He gave a little spin around and struck a pose, almost as though he was a secret superhero of fashion. I couldn't help smiling at his antics, hopefully the other residents will be this much fun to meet.
"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Marshall, I don't suppose you can explain anything about my crazy day?" He raised a questioning eyebrow when I finished, prompting me to explain everything that had happened. When I was done talking, his face became very dark and grim.
"Ah....I see...." Marshall stared at me for a few minutes, pursing his lips and thought.
"I only moved in after our old mayor had left so I don't really know everything....." My shoulders slumped in defeat, would I ever get to know what was happening?
"But......I do have a friend who lives nearby, he may know more than me." Marshall pointed to a pale yellow cottage to the left of my house. "Just tell him I sent you." I quickly thanked Marshall and jogged over to the cottage, rapping on the door with great enthusiasm. A small dog covered in bandages from head to toe answered the door, his left eye was uncovered and shone with a bright yellow gleam. He stared at me for a few moments before the dog suddenly slammed the door wide open.
"OHMYGOSH YOU'RE THE NEW MAYOR RIGHT?!" He shouted in an unexpectedly loud voice, I covered my ears with my hands until he had calmed down.
"Um.....yes, that's me." I said meekly, still covering my ears. He seemed to notice and quickly apologized for his sudden excitement, inviting me inside his house. The inside was decorated in various Egyptian themed items, ranging from large pyramids to some eerie mummified dog statues. Soft sand covered the floor, a few dunes forming in the corners. The only light source in the room came from a single flickering candle flame in the center, adding to the creepy atmosphere.
"My name's Lucky by the way, can I help you with anything?" The bandaged dog held out a paw to shake, I shook hands and briefly introduced myself before getting to the point of my visit.
"I was sent here by Marshall, he said you may know something about.....Isabelle." A whispered her name carefully, afraid she may overhear from wherever she was at that moment. Lucky's eyes grew wide and frightened, taking a few shaky steps away from me as though I had suddenly transformed into something from his darkest nightmares. I stood in front of him, dumbfound as to what had just happened. Had I missed something? He ignored me and began muttering something under his breath over and over, shaking his head slowly.
"No......the bells........the bells......" His voice was slowly lowering, every word being dragged out in agony. I just stood there in the darkness, watching him in utter confusion and fear. Had I done something wrong? Said something that upset him? I tentatively reached out an arm to comfort him but he stumbled backwards, falling flat on the sandy floor. His quivering arms covering his face, shielding me from his view.
"Lucky......please......I need to know what's happening." He responded by burying his face deeper into his hands, his breath turning shallow as he breathed in and out rapidly. I needed this to stop, I was becoming terrified myself. If he wouldn't tell me about Isabelle, then perhaps he could tell me about someone else. I straightened myself out and took a deep breath.
"Lucky.....what happened to the old mayor?" [b]Urgh the pacing in this does not feel right to me buuuuuut I guess it'll do. :T
I wasn't too sure how to deal with all this dialogue, I mean just look at those small paragraphs. Blarghhhhh! xD Ah well, I'm more excited to write up the next chapter/one after depending on how many words it'll take for me to start writing the action part of this story. Lucky what r u doing? Stahp.
Sorry about the lack of updates for a while, been a little busy with other things. ^_^"
I will get the next chapter up by next week though. If I don't then feel free to bug me until I do~ - Chapter Five -
I stood there in the cold dark room, filled with the sounds of Lucky's whimpers. He refused to answer me, merely sobbing away in his own little world. I was growing tired of waiting and he was clearly in no shape to tell me anything, Isabelle or not, right now. My shoes left deep footprints in the sandy floor as I walked out of Lucky's home. Perhaps I could ask Marshall about the dog's strange reaction. The sky was now covered in millions of bright shining stars, hung above my head on a navy blue background. The town had now transformed into a dark, cold and lonely place. Everyone else must have already gone home to their warm flickering fireplaces and soft cozy beds. How I envied those people, my only comfort was a tattered and musty shack with little to no protection from the cold and weather. I slowly shuffled towards my small house, arms wrapped around myself in an effort to keep warm. As I approached the front door, a bright yellow bag lay in the doorway, a small paper note stuck on the top.
"Thought you might need this, this house doesn't exactly look very warm enough for the cold nights! If you need some help cleaning up the place tomorrow I could ask some of villagers to help.
Stay warm, ok? - Marshall"
I eagerly opened the yellow bag to find an array of equipment needed to make a small tent. Marshall had even given me a small lamp and sleeping bag to accompany his generous gift. Soon enough I had hastily pitched the tent just in front of my house, happy to finally wrap myself in the warm sleeping bag. I made a mental note to thank Marshall tomorrow before I finally fell into a deep sleep. The Next Morning.....
I awoke to the noise of someone tapping on the outside of the tent. Stifling a yawn, I stood up and stretched, my back sore from sleeping on the ground for so long. I opened the tent flap to find another villager, a black pig with white rimmed eyes and snout.
"Hiya! Heard our new mayor might need some help with a little spring cleaning." The pig tilted her head towards the old house. "My name's Agnes, nice to meet you!" I rubbed the sleep out of eyes and gave a handshake (well...hoof and handshake), giving her a brief introduction.
"Marshall's gone around asking the some of the other villagers to help fix your new house but they won't be here for a while, shall we get started for now?"
With a nod of my head, we set to work cleaning the house. Agnes had managed to borrow another neighbour's leaf blower to help clear out the dust and cobwebs. After that we only had to bush away any leftovers, though I refused to go near the spiders much to Agnes's amusement. A quick splash of water and scrub of the floorboards later, we were done cleaning. The sky was now burning down on our backs, it was definitely past noon by now and I was beginning to wonder if these other helpers would show up.
"Hey~!"
I looked towards the hilltop to see Marshall, a flamingo and a tiger all carrying large bulky bags. Agnes was quick to scold them for being late until the tiger spoke up.
"Relax pork-chop, we just did a little shopping for furniture." His deep voice made a low rumble, he certainly seemed very grumpy.
"Yeah! I even picked a bed and everything! We couldn't just let Elise sleep in a tent forever right?" The flamingo spoke in a very peppy tone, she seemed very excited.
Agnes and Marshall quickly introduced the tiger and flamingo as Rolf and Flora. The two seemed like polar opposites to each other, both in personality and the items they had purchased. Flora had bought a garish pink bed while Rolf had more practical items such as a stove and lampshade.
"I know it's not much but it's not like you can fit everything you need inside this house anyway." Rolf grunted, somehow carrying the hefty bed through the small doorway,
"Oh no, I really appreciate it." I said whilst bowing.
"Good to see our new mayor is at least humble in some way." Flora's rolled her eyes, the words were dripping in sarcasm. When I tried asking her about the old mayor, Marshall tapped my arm and mouthed 'Don't ask, please.'
I shrugged it off and began the hauling the furniture inside. It only took a couple minutes to sort out the only 'room' in the house, so Agnes went ahead and set up a picnic near the tent. We all spent hours laughing and eating until our stomachs were filled. After all the plates had been licked clean and the drinks guzzled down, we lay in the soft grass, exhausted from all the cleaning and furniture moving. Soon, the sky had sunk beneath the horizon and the stars came out to play once more. I closed my eyes, surrounded by some of the nicest people I had met and dreamed of my future.
[i]"Maybe being the mayor won't be so bad after all......"
Oh hey, early-ish update time since I felt like writing Thanks Bbykat51~ ^_^
erisolsprite: Oh wow, didn't even notice how similar the names are! xD I just tossed around nouns for a bit and added random stuff at the end until I was happy with the name. - Chapter Six -
"Dear Mother,
I've been living in Rivendale for nearly 6 months now. Many of the villagers have been very kind to me and I'm so glad I could move here. I wanted to thank you for all the letters you've been sending me, they're all lovely.
Miss you, I'll write again soon ok? - Elise"
This was the 8th time this week I had written to my mother, it seems even after all the time I've spent away from home she still worries about me. I stuffed my response in my pocket and began walking up the steep town hill towards the post office. Rivendale had changed a lot over the months past, mostly due to all the work Isabelle has me doing every day. Smooth stone paths were now laid out leading to every building in town, flowers of all different colours lined the sides. Numerous benches and lamp posts were placed around town and even a cafe had been built. It was hard work making the town a nicer place to live and I still had more work ahead of me. Even though I finally gave up and accepted my position as mayor I have little say in what happens around town, Isabelle has full control of everything and everyone. Why, even last week she caught Rolf talking about her behind her back, I haven't seen him since then. Lucky was eventually able to tell me that no-one is allowed to defy her, unless they're asking for trouble. Later on, Marshal even found out that the old mayor had been banished to an island offshore, however we were denied entry. An old Kappa that ran the boat service around the area said it was off-limits without the 'top dog's' permission. Seemed Isabelle had been running this town long before I arrived, but I still haven't figured out why anyone would do all of this. It's just a backwater town right?
My thoughts were interrupted by the hourly bell chime, signaling a new hour. I looked up to find I had accidentally wandered over to the Town Hall instead of Main Street, I really needed to focus more. A shadow moved about inside the building, no doubt Isabelle setting up more work for me later. However it seemed....strange this time. She seemed to be talking to someone but I couldn't see anyone else. My curiosity got the better of me as I quietly opened the front door a crack and peeked inside, Isabelle was pacing back and forth with a phone held up to her ear. I leaned forward trying to catch her conversation.
".....Yes, yes.....don't worry, everything is fine.....no, it won't be ready for a while yet.....relax, they don't know any better.......mm-hmm.....yes, I'll report in later.....ok, bye."
Isabelle placed the phone down with a sigh, muttering angrily about something. I decided to take my leave before she noticed me, slowly stepping backwards without a sound. That is, until I tripped and fell into the new fountain Isabelle made me put in yesterday. A sharp 'jingle' rang through the air as I struggled to climb out of the water, I could almost hear her footsteps right behind me, has she already seen me? I finally lept out of the water and dived into a bush, my breath short, shallow and shaking in fear. Isabelle stormed out of the Town Hall, glaring in every direction searching for me.
"I know you're out there! You were eavesdropping weren't you?! Come out you little rat!"
Her furious voice sent chills down my spine, I had to get away, but how? I could hear the bell slowly moving towards me, every chime making my chest feel tighter and tighter. A yellow paw drifted into the edge of my vision, inching slowly towards me.
"HEY ISABELLE!"
I froze as the voice hung heavy in the air. Isabelle stepped away from the bush, silently turning toward the one who had shouted. I already knew who it was though, there was no mistaking it.
"Marhsal.......just what do you think you're doing?" Isabelle spoke in a very low tone, this couldn't be good.
"Come and catch me you smelly dog!" Marshal gave a short laugh and began running away, Isabelle followed soon after, shouting insults and threats at him.
I stayed hidden in the bush for a few minutes before I dared to move, still uncertain as to whether or not Isabelle might return. To my relief she was nowhere in sight, so I slipped away quietly, making my way slowly through the cover of the peach trees. Before long I could see my house, which by now looked like a castle compared to the old shack it used to be. It was decorated like a gingerbread house, much to mine and Lucky's sweet-toothed delight. I opened the door and quickly locked it tight, still afraid that Isabelle may have seen me. Finally able to catch my breath, I lay down on my modern bed in the middle of the room. Perhaps I shouldn't be so nosy with Isabelle anymore.
'rattle rattle.....'
My body tensed up once more, it seemed someone else was inside my house. I slowly rolled off the couch and sneaked up to the staircase leading to the kitchen. I could hear the shuffle of footsteps and a 'klink' as the intruder knocked over a tin. My breath was becoming short again, I didn't want to see who it was. For all I know it could be Isabelle, ready to confront me. A cookie fell to the kitchen floor and rolled down the stairs towards me, each step it hit made a small 'thunk'. The footsteps upstairs were coming closer, I turned to run and hide but something heavy tumbled down onto me. I fell heavily onto the bottom step, my chin and elbows were now stinging and covered in scratches and splinters. The heavy weight rolled off my back, allowing me to sit up and get a better look. Too my surprise, it was the visitor who had helped themselves to my food.
Sorry I've been unable to post a chapter this week, friend of mine had an accident so I was pretty worried for a while. ^_^" I'll most likely write up another chapter in this following week, sorry for the wait.
On another note: Computerfan's Fanfic Competition is currently going through group selections, I've been placed into the Chocolate group. Voting for fanfics while happen a little later in the competition but if you guys do feel like voting for this when it starts, I'd be very happy~ x3 (Course there are other fanfics you may enjoy in the competition as well, feel free to check out the thread here).
Uh oh, what's Lucky doing in her house? He's probably lost, the poor thing.
Good story! You have good description and nice dialogue. The only compliant I may have is that it's short.... I want more of this fabulous stuff. But nonetheless, I understand it's hard to write good long chapters, so I will be content with what I have.
I find it interesting that Isabelle is evil in this story. She's so innocent, I couldn't see her as evil!
EDIT: I found something you could change. Your ellipses are longer than they should be. Perhaps you can add description between statements to space them out more!
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"I'm in shock! Look, I've a got blanket!"
^^ I usually end chapters where they are otherwise they might end up being over the post-limit also I'm lazy shhhh~
I didn't even notice the ellipses over-use, good thing you noticed it. ^_^" I'll defiantly take that advice for the next chapter, should be up today/tomorrow. ^ Thanks, she's much better now~
Alright, I'll be putting up the new chapter in a sec but first I'd like to announce that voting is now open for the fanfic competition~! Here's the rules, it may look like bit of effort to read but you should still check it. Voting Rules - by Compterfan
1. Absolutely no telling anyone who you voted for. Especially not the person themselves. The only people who should know your vote is yourself and me. And any randomers you decide you want to tell that are unrelated to ACC. You're welcome to say you're going to support/vote for them, that can't be stopped, but as long as you don't actually say you voted for them then it's okay.
2. You can't vote for yourself. Ever. If you even try to, you'll have a vote deducted from you.
3. Please note the amount of times you can vote will vary throughout the competition. For now, you can only vote once a day.
4. Every vote (for now) is consisted of 3 possibilities.
Type 1: You give 1 vote to 1 story.
"eg. I vote for Shella" Type 2: You give 2 votes to 1 story, and 1 vote to another
"eg. 2 votes for TTACWW, 1 vote for bunkbeds" Type 3: You give 1 vote to 3 different people
"eg. 1 vote for DarkMuffin, 1 vote for accflover101, 1 vote for Cutiepiepie" This means that if you want to only vote for your favourite, you can only award one vote. But if you want to give them more, then you have to vote for another. It also allows you to spread votes out between three. This stops people spamming me with 3 votes for one person, and also reduces the chance of getting bottom ties of more than 2/3 at the start of the competition. Let's not have another bottom 7 like in 2009.
5. You must send your votes in a PT to JUST me. No judges, only you and I. Just calling it 'Competition Vote' or even just 'Vote' is fine. But please do not put something like 'Vote for ElizabethPrower' or 'Competition'. No contestant names, and make it obvious it's a voting PT, please.
6. Please note that I do have a busy life. If I don't reply to your PT, even after a few days, make sure you've actually added me. If you have, then hover over my name at the top where it shows everyone in the PT. If it says I have read it, then you're welcome to post again and remind me. As soon as I read a PT and count a vote, I post to say thanks, or I forget whether I've counted or not. If I've not replied but read it, it means I forgot to count it. The only other time you're allowed to post to remind me is that if I've started announcing results, but not viewed your PT. Your vote could make a difference to a result, so if it gets to that stage, I'm actually asking you to please post again. When I'm not posting results and I see an unread vote PT, I may not check until before I start results. I'm lazy. But I will get there.
7. Contestants and judges are allowed to AND encouraged to vote. Although it may surprise you, the bulk of votes in past years have been from people involved in the competition. Yes, voting for others could well affect your own position... But I rely on nice and supportive contestants to keep the thing running. Especially in the early stages, where I need all the votes I can get to avoid a massive bottom tie. Judges are also allowed to vote for their own groups of course.
8. Please feel free to advertise in your own threads, and ask for votes. Please do not post in anyone else's threads (this includes NOT saying stuff like 'Great story! Please check out mine and vote!' or whatever) or other people's PTs without permission. Also, when advertising, ensure you either tell them the voting rules yourselves or refer them to this thread first.
9. The only person on all of ACC not allowed to vote is me. Poor me.
10. Voting is ALWAYS open. What happens, is that at the end of the week... There's a seal-off point for that week. Any votes after that will then carry on to the week after. If the person you voted for past that cut-off is then eliminated the next day, then I'm afraid your vote is forefeit.
eg. Deadline for week 3 is Friday at 11.59pm ACC time. You vote for... Hammer_Kirby at 12.01am Saturday. Your vote is carried on to week 4.
Hammer_Kirby is then eliminated week 3. You lose your vote.
I should specify every week when the cut-off point is, and it should stay the same time and day of the week each time. It's your responsibility to get your votes in before that time, but I do still encourage you to keep voting after the cut-off and get votes in for the week later.
11. Finally, everyone's vote count will keep going up and up throughout the competition. So, if xMuffinx has 4 votes week 1 and gets through, she starts week 2 with those 4 votes. Then if she gets 3 votes week 2, she'll have 7 votes. This'll continue throughout the competition, so contestants that are in the bottom tie have to really fight to get out there. Everyone else will keep rising, and it's down to the contestants to improve their writing and fight for their place.
Of course, if you've seen previous competitions, there are certain twists that may disrupt this... Oops.
I repeated the question again as we both dusted ourselves off, standing up straight to face each other. Lucky's bandages were messily covered in countless chocolate stains and crumbs, an odd mix of coloured syrups and sauces smeared around his sheepishly grinning mouth.
"Uh, well, you see..." He began, swaying side to side nervously. "I came over to deliver a present however you weren't home so I thought I'd wait. But while I was waiting, I noticed the cookies cooling on your windowsill smelled so tasty and I figured it wouldn't hurt to take just a little bite...or two....or three." Lucky's hung his head in embarrassment when he finished, scuffing a foot against the wooden floorboard underneath him. I raised a hand to my face and sighed, today was simply ridiculous. First I'm chased and nearly caught by a mad fluffy dog and now I come home to find Lucky demolishing my entire stock of sweets and treats. I swear, if things don't start looking better soon I'm going to flip a table!
"Um, please don't be too mad Elise." Lucky's apology interrupted my thoughts, I glanced up to see him holding out a paw to me. "I really didn't meant to eat so much, here." A single jam biscuit that had survived the sweet carnage sat in the middle of his paw. I accepted the offer and took a bite, thanking Lucky for cheering me up a little.
"It's alright Lucky, I've just had a bit of a stressful day today is all." I gave him a small pat on the head, glad to see a friendly face. He quickly went back to his usual cheerful demeanor, offering to lend his ears if I wanted to talk about it. However I brushed away the offer, still too tired from my close encounter with Isabelle to talk for long. Before either of us could sit down to relax after our abrupt meeting, the front doorbell chimed rapidly as though someone was in a rush to get inside. Lucky followed me over to the door, gasping loudly as I swung it open.
"Marshal! What happened to you?!"
In front of us stood the familiar white squirrel, however his appearance was quite unusual. His normally pristine clothes were tattered and covered in leaves, grass and mud. The hair on his head tangled and un-kempt, it was very odd for him to be seen this way. Almost unsettling. Lucky and I bombarded Marshal with questions but he ignored us, instead he ran to each room shutting every door and window, stopping only once all of them had been sealed.
"What on earth are you doing Marshal?!" I was becoming frantic with worry, gripping his shoulders tightly once he had finally slumped into a chair. His eyes slowly moved to rest on my face, a chill went down my spine as I saw how cold, dark and emotionless they were.
"We have to go." Marshal grabbed my arm and began rushing towards the door, I dug my heels into the carpet as we neared the exit. I wanted some answers.
"Marshal just tell us what's going on! What happened?" My voice was becoming more demanding, slowly rising in tone as my anger was building up. I had a feeling this all had something to do with my Isabelle encounter earlier but I couldn't bring myself to ask, I didn't know what to say. He eventually gave up trying to drag me out the door and stared down at the floor, shaking his head slowly.
"We can't stay here, she knows." Marshal whispered softly, tightening his grip on my arm.
"What do you mean?! You're not making any sense!" I jerked my arm away, now yelling at one of my closest friends. A few tears were forming on the edge of my eyes, blurring nearly everything except Marshal from my vision.
A shrill siren suddenly blared, everyone covered their ears as the sound filled the air. Marshal finally seemed to snap, grabbing Lucky and me and sprinting through the front door. The sky was now a burning orange colour, the sun setting across the sea's horizon in the distance. As I turned to go back inside the house I could see what Marshal was so afraid of. Three dark figures, all of them dogs and carrying blinding flashlights.
One with a bell tied in her hair.
Marshal was now panicking, hastily shoving Lucky and me down the slope to the beach. The siren was becoming louder now, screaming in our ears as we ran towards the dock in a mist of confusion and fear. Marshal dived into the boat where Kapp'n sat, the two briefly argued before the Kappa was thrown overboard. Marshal was now shouting at us to get in the boat, Lucky sprinted just ahead of me, frantically eyeing the small vessel a few metres away. I quickly glanced over my shoulder to see Isabelle and the two dogs now sprinting down the beach slope, a furious scowl on her face. The other two appeared to be Copper and Booker, they were both pointing something at us, something that made my heart stop. I turned back to warn Lucky but he was already leaping into the boat.
Bang.
A lone gunshot rang in the air, briefly taking over the wail of the sirens. Cooper lowered his arm as he saw the bullet strike true and continued to chase after us. Time seemed to slow down as I stared at Lucky, horrified as his body went limp mid-jump. He fell onto the boat's floor with a sickening thud, a few bandages falling away, landing on the gentle ocean waves with a dark crimson cloud around them. My heart pounded in my ears as I ran with all my strength to the boat. My legs, cold and numb buckled underneath me as I fell onto a wooden seat beside Marshal. The boat's engine roared into life and we quickly sped away, clumsily skipping across the ocean waves at a terrifying speed. All the while I sat on my seat, clutching my pounding chest tightly and trying to make sense of what just happened.
When I finally caught my breath I turned to take one last look at the town I had grown to love so dearly. Isabelle stood on the edge of the dock screaming furiously for us to come back, Marshal responded by speeding up the boat, focusing on the empty waters ahead of us with a fierce gaze. He didn't seem like talking at the moment so I rested my gaze on the boat floor. My stomach churned as I finally noticed Lucky lying at my feet, curled up in a tight ball and breathing shallowly. I leaned over him and inspected the small hole in his side, blood slowly seeping into the bandages covering his body. I sat there staring at my friend who was shivering in pain and whimpering tearfully until the sun finally set, I couldn't believe anything that had happened. This must be a dream, none of this can be real.
"the two briefly argued before the Kappa was thrown overboard"
Marshal noooo not Kapp'n
I'm really interested so far, I wonder where you're taking this. Also, Isabelle is totally an evil mastermind, I understand. Good luck in the competition! ... Chocolate.
Posted:
6/24/2013 9:23am
