gahoolerox - There will be more, but all I can confirm at the moment is profile trophies, fame and much more which will be revealed later! Yes, it's highly reccomended that you continue to write all the time!
I can tell that alot of imagination went into making this story, and what I can tell of the plot, the storyline does seem to be genuinely interesting, which is also obvious from the interest Ginanana's readers have continued to have in the story.
However, it is really not of the skill level to be in this contest. While there have been improvements from the first to the later chapters, there are frequent spelling and grammar errors. Also, the story is almost all dialogue, with hardly any description, and often the dialogue is of the very simplistic kind that isn't very interesting from a story reader's perspective. The story gives the feeling as though it's been written by someone who doesn't actually know what's going on in the world of the story, and is trying to make sense of what things could mean, which is pretty confusing from the reader's perspective, and leaves you feeling very distanced from what's actually probably going on in the world of these characters. But, while I don't think this story is quite good enough for this competition, it does show alot of creative promise, so I hope that Ginanana will keep writing and keep trying, and maybe further down the road she will be able to put her good imagination into better words so we will all have something interesting to read. It's a no.
This story has a very interesting concept! Imagining Blanca's face situation as some sort of birth defect, and the redrawing of her face as some kind of magic her adopted sister Katrina created was a very creative blending of Animal Crossing game details and real-world type situations and emotions. Giving Katrina a mysterious background that even she is unsure about makes the story even more engaging.
There are a few difficulties with this story, but not much. Telling the story from a past-tense viewpoint, but as a moment-to-moment description (as if it's happening right now) is a little bit awkward and disruptive to read. At this stage of the story it is probably too late to change this stylistic detail in mid-telling, but once this story is complete, it could benefit from going back over the whole thing and maybe changing the storytelling style to be either the older cats telling their stories of the past from their current perspectives (where there wouldn't be so much specific description and would have more older-view commentary & perspective), or else telling it straight up third person, following these two cats each from their early days to the present (which would let you have full descriptions of every moment). Right now it's in between, and that's kind of awkward to read.
But aside from that style detail, this is an interesting, well-composed story. Definitely yes.
(When I saw that Dougieowner posted, my heart leaped because I though it was my review. And then I noticed it wasn't) XP Thanks for getting my hopes up! XD
This story took a little while to make it's AC-connection apparent, not making that clear until the third chapter, but in the end it serves the story very well in setting the stage for the oddness of being thrown into an AC world that will obviously follow. This story is very well-written and has a nice, thoughtful, dreamy, & slightly melancholy feel to it. I could definitely feel myself living inside the world of this story. The only trouble I can see right now is that it is so far only three chapters, and story-wise we haven't yet seen how the world of AC will be handled in the storytelling. But given the great start, and the high probability that there will continue to be future chapters posted, I think this story has great promise to be a very interesting story. I say yes.
Bones5678 - Sorry for your long wait. The Assistants have lives and really need to get on with their other important things, but they will try to review as soon as they can. Be patient, good reviews take time...
The descriptions and dialogue in this story are pretty well-written and natural-sounding, however the story itself is kind of lacking in depth. It feels like there's no clear plan where this story is going or what it's about, it's more like a series of episodes made up on the spot one after another. There's no real cohesiveness and the story really suffers from that, despite the individual paragraphs being written well. Add to that the fact that at least thus far in the story, it pretty much just sounds like a standard tale about werewolves, and it isn't really very interesting.
Also, while the story is reasonably well-written, it really has absolutely nothing at all to do with Animal Crossing. In my opinion that means that it shouldn't even be in this competition, since it's technically not even supposed to be on the fanfiction board. For that reason alone I say no for this story moving on, but the truth is that even if this somehow were about AC, I still don't think it should be in the finals.
Hm, definitely one of the better fanfics I've read in this competition. You have good length, a good plot that is enjoyable to read. There aren't really any major improvements you have to make, but particularly in the later chapters, I noticed that there are a lot of complete speech parks, with half a line of description after.
"Aaagghh! What's happening!?" Amber shrieked.
"I have NO IDEA!" Cheri screamed back.
"EEEK! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Matilda yelled.
"No we're not! I'm not going to let you!" Amber replied.
Just then, they landed on something squishy and slimy yet hard at the same time.
"Holy sardines..." Amber breathed. They had ACTUALLY landed on an orange Narwhal.
"We're dreaming. Tell me we're dreaming." Cheri sighed, closing her eyes.
"I wish we were. This.. Is too.. Suspenseful. It's like a good nightmare." Matilda said.
"Good nightmare? Never had one of those before."
"Uhmn, who said that?" Amber asked.
"Not me!" Cheri and Matilda said after each other.
"It was me!" The Narwhal replied in a deep, low voice.
Cheri screamed. A talking.. Narwhal?
"You can talk!?" Matilda screamed, as if she had read Cheri's mind."
^Like that. Perhaps try adding more description, because that part could be made really enjoyable to read with description, to make it more intense, suspenseful.
And also,
"Suddenly, a large orange portal opened up on Cheri's bookshelf and sucked the three best friends in."
...I found that line rather anticlimatic. I think you need to just describe what happens in more detail, don't rush onto the next part of the story. Your plot is very enjoyable, but it's how the author gets it across to the readers that makes it that. Let us picture clearly the action that is happening. But anyway, I take no hesitation in giving this a yes!
prettierthanbob, in the first post is says you send a PT to Dougieowner with your audition. And you put link instead of url for it to be an actual link.
Signature-------------- Just gonna stand there and hear me cry That's alright because I love the way you lie
Jack
Posted: 2/7 3:58pm 
Thanks
Right, I forgot about that, aha
