Welcome to my fan-fic, Dawn Chronicles (Revised), because I have worked on remaking it.
Prologue: Leaving Home
"Mother, I have finally decided." Chico exclaimed. "I’m leaving outta here."
Chico’s mother finally set down her tea saucer and looked at her daughter; her eyes filled with surprise and worry. "But Chico, you’re only fifteen, and you aren’t sixteen until tomorrow… I wanted you to leave tomorrow instead." She pressed gently. "The world that you’re going into is well… somewhat… dangerous."
Chico turns toward the window, angling her eyes to the bright blue sky.
"Well," she started, "It’s not much of what I really want to live in. Village Hidden in the Moonflower is a nice village, yes. But I need a change of track; a new lifestyle, y’know? I need to broaden my horizons to go on to bigger and better things – no, lifestyles. That’s why I wanted to leave early, so I can get started with my new life."
She looked back to her mother, her eyes full of determination and spirit.
"You see my point?"
Chico’s mother cocked her head slightly; and nodded. "Yes, yes, of course." She looked at her daughter humbly and sincerely. "You are old enough to raise yourself already… even though I wanted you to stay with me for one more day… You may be a human, but going outside is dangerous. Our Village Hidden in the Moonflower is a bit small for you. Going to the Village Hidden in the Leaf is a dangerous journey though. Today it’s a bit rainy, and our absorbing powers are a bit… well, you know, when we don’t have the sun or the moon out…"
Chico sighed and looked at her watch that her grandmother gave her. 9:01 in the evening. It always rained a lot on different days, but once 12:00 in the morning begins, the rain would have cleared up by then. Only three more hours to endure before she left her home that cherished her so dearly…
11:25 in the evening. Soon it would chime 12:00 in the morning and then she could start with her adventure. Chico’s knapsack was filled with all sorts of stuff, including letters from her friends of Bob and Twiggy enough to supply their addresses so Chico could write back. She was at the gate that was exit and the entrance into her beloved home village.
Bob’s eyes grew wide as he stared at his human friend. "Are you truly leaving for the Village Hidden in the Leaf? Isn’t it dangerous to travel by night?" He proclaimed, giving a modest thwack to her back. "Are you going to be fine out there?"
Chico looked at the gate expressionlessly. "Yes," she stated calmly. "but I’ll be okay. You guys know me. I’m going to be okay. It might be a long journey, and I might not be able to write back quickly as I normally would. Danger, excitement… I’ll make sure to write back, and visit when I’m in the area."
Chico looked back to her friends. "I will take care of myself… but you two have to keep an eye out for yourselves from now on. I can’t watch for you guys always. But when we’re all together again… I look forward to the day we see each other again."
As the three friends hugged each other for the last time, it stroke to midnight and Chico walked out the gate, out of the home and the life that she has known for fifteen years. Chico knew the journey was going to be rough, and she might die. But she rather die than not explore the world.
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First reply, I see. Interesting revision, though Chico seemed a little more blunt when she told her mother she was leaving XD
I wonder what the new Dawn Chronicles will be like. Well, looking forward to see more, but don't let it get the way CSI did. To be honest, I've always liked Dawn Chronicles more then CSI.
Signature-------------- "Didn't I throw you out a window?"
Yeah. I think this has to be my best fan-fiction ever, that I have started to revise.
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I think Dawn of a New Day is a Sailor Moon song, I think. To point out, Shadowia isn't a master of all the elements, she knows the elements but she's bad at some of the elements.
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Hey, I didn't say you had to change it, just that I liked it XD But anyway, I hope you're able to post more soon. And make sure you have more prominent AC features this time. That always seems to be your main problem, and I can understand why. The requirement of an AC theme often seems to make it difficult to be creative.
Signature-------------- "Didn't I throw you out a window?"
Yes. But I like it too. I think Dawn Chronicles was a bit old anyway.
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Trudging through the forest path, Chico made an effort to keep awake. She knew that walking through an old forest path wasn’t the smartest idea or really an idea at all, but it sort of felt like a test of endurance, cunningness, and strength. It wasn’t a real surprise that Chico felt tired or heavy, but she had to trudge on. Now she was sixteen, and could deal with her ninja life. Couldn’t she?
Chico looked at the map in all sorts of ways, and then began to look worried.
"Hmm… this is very difficult. Maybe I should… go this way? That way? Which way should I go? This map is so confusing!” She said in frustration. “I hate Geography!"
She was never good in geography, and never had been. Chico couldn’t even navigate if her life depended on it. She had always made a C in geography and her mother never said otherwise, because her mother was terrible in geography too and always made Ds instead of Cs. If Chico only knew that she had to use geography when she was a ninja, she could have picked a different thing.
Chico sighed, and looked around for any sort of wooden sign that would point her in the right direction. She saw a wooden sign near another grove of a forest and began to read it.
"‘Left of the meadows leads to Village Hidden in the Fields, going right would lead to Village Hidden in the Caverns, going south will lead back to the Village Hidden in the Moonflower, north will lead to Village Hidden in the Leaf.’" She said out loud. "Well, north it is! Village Hidden in the Leaf… here I come!"
She was about to enter the forest, when a blue and red-colored bird came towards her.
The bird looked around nervously. "There’s a fire, miss! You don’t want to be there at that time and – hey are you a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Moonflower?" It cheeped heedlessly.
"Yes, yes I am! I’m going to the Village Hidden in the Leaf since I’m now officially sixteen." Chico stated. "Do you need help? I am Chico Ilea Kiichigo. What’s your name?"
The bird sighed and looked at the sky. "My name is Robin. I was on my mission to warn the Village Hidden in the Moonflower about the fire, but then the fire broke out even more and… my abilities of weather aren’t good enough alone to stop that fire." She said worryingly. "I’m afraid I’m no use of when it comes to handling fires."
"Can’t you make it rain then if you’re a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Weather?"
Robin gingerly brushed her wings. "I would if I could, but I’m just thirteen. I don’t even know how to do a Rain Feather Jutsu properly, let alone stop a blazing fire the size of two villages! " She proclaimed.
"But we can’t let the fire destroy the other villages that are nearby from that forest!"
Robin looked at the dense forest ahead of them. "I know. But… if you’re from the Village Hidden in the Moonflower, you can use your absorbing abilities to absorb water and help me douse the fire." She exclaimed. "And that’s why I need your help!"
Robin looked back at her new friend. "Can you please help me?" The bird begged. "I can’t do this alone! I need help…"
Chico made some handsigns. "Okay, but don’t be near me, otherwise I might absorb your powers by accident, and I’m not liable for what happens to you, Robin. Absorbing Justu!"
Her hands glowed a pearly white, and Chico rushed over to a river and absorbed its power. Rushing into the forest fire, Chico coughed a bit, and made another handsign.
"Aqua Rush! " Chico shouted. "I hope this works… c’mon Robin! Try your justu that you learned from your Village, Robin!"
Robin did some handsigns. "Rain Feather Justu! Hey… I think its working!"
As the water doused out the fire, it calmed down, and the gentle breezes tugged at Chico’s lilac hair stands. Robin put a feathered-wing on her new friends’ shoulder. The forest was fair and calm.
Robin looked at her new friend. "Thanks for helping me. I’m one of the ninjas from the Village Hidden in the Weather that knows the way to where you are going. It borders the Village Hidden in the Leaf, in the Land of Fire." She stated calmly. "Maybe someday will meet each other again… I’m just chunin. Not a very high rank, really. You must be a genin of a higher stature, when you used to live in the Land of the Moons. Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing you again."
As Robin flew off, Chico sighed. This journey sure was tiring. She spotted a field of orchids ahead of her, and lay asleep to regain her strength and her charka so she would be ready for tomorrow, because she absorbed also energy from other things.
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She sighed as she continued her path to the Village Hidden in the Leaf. Sleeping in the orchids was warm, but she felt a bit chilly. Chico got out her map, but the sudden gust blew the map away.
Chico gasped and tried to catch the map. “Noooooo! The map! Aw man!” But the map soon fluttered away like a bird, and disappeared behind the mountain. Chico sighed and sat on a rock.
“I’ll never get to the Village Hidden in the Leaf.” She murmured.
A gentle breeze tugged again at a lilac hair lock, and Chico frowned as she looked at the mountain once more. Then she heard an uneasy tap on the ground, and she turned to five ninja that were standing in front of her. The boy with spiky yellow hair and an orange-black jumpsuit stared at her. “Hi. What are you doing here? You’re definitely not from the Village Hidden in the Leaf… Are you traveling somewhere? Maybe Konohakagure, or known as Konoha perhaps?”
The girl with pink hair with a red headband sighed.
“Of course she’s traveling to the Leaf, Naruto! The one with the spiky yellow hair is Naruto Uzumaki, I’m Sakura Haruno, the boy besides me is Sasuke Uchiha who is mine by the way, the one who is standing behind the three of us is our sensei Kakashi Hatake, and the cat who’s sitting on the ground currently is our mechanical whiz Kiki Tunisia. So, what’s your name…?”
Chico gulped and clenched a fist. “Uh… my name is Chico Ilea Kiichigo. I’m from the Village Hidden in the Moonflower, it’s in the Land of Moons, or it would normally be called Chinoagure or Chino for short. I’m journeying to the Village Hidden in the Leaf, to continue my training…”
Sasuke sighed and leaned against a rock. “Nice to meet you.”
Kiki stood up and looked at Chico.
“Sorry, he’s not much on introductions, informal or formal like the rest of us.” She said semi-loudly. “It’s something that happened to him when he was a kid. Never got over it, unfortunately, but… his brother is among the ranks with us, and Sasuke has learned to accept his brother again, ‘cause their own village created killed themselves - that’s right, they died - as a test to see who was the better survivor – Sasuke or Itachi.”
Sasuke put a hand over Kiki’s mouth, and frowned while Kiki was still talking under his hand. “Once she stops talking, she NEVER stops. Not even for a restroom break, or for fighting, which is annoying at times, but she blabs too much. Chino is a good village, but not far by the best village as the Leaf Ninja.”
“Oh? You don’t believe that Chinoagure is the best in absorbing power from other things to create our own Justus? Is that a challenge? Well… you’ll get your challenge all right!” Chico yelled. “Absorbing Justu!”
Once again, Chico’s hands turned into a pearly white as she walked over to the rocks and touched them, absorbing their energy, and having the rock cover her skin like it was a double egg-white paint shield.
Kakashi looked at Sasuke. “Don’t underestimate her, Sasuke. The Moonflower Ninja were pretty clever in disguising themselves to their own surroundings for ambush, fighting, and absorbing to the point where the object they touch becomes a shield against any attacks. Sure, you’re strong, but if you had touched her hands when she was absorbing energy, she could have absorbed your powers by accident. Even the most strongest of ninjas can have their power taken by purpose or by accident. It sometimes does happen, to tell you the truth.”
Sasuke smirked and grabbed a shuriken out from his ninja pouch. “Well, well. I like to see how well she can do. If the Moonflower Ninja are strong as you claim Chico, then beat me!”
He flung some shuriken at her, but the shuriken didn’t stick on, but instead it bounced off of her. Chico giggled as she then absorbed some water that was in her canteen and did some handsigns.
“Aqua Whip! Style of the Fish!” Chico shouted.
A whip formed in her hands, and Chico tried to grab Sasuke’s leg with it, but he was able to dodge it quickly, and he created his own handsigns.
“Fireball Techinique!” Sasuke roared.
He cupped his hands around his mouth as fire spewed out from his lips, and Chico was torched. But Sasuke knew trickery when he saw it. As he landed on the ground, he was looking around.
Sakura ran over to Sasuke. “Where is she? Up? To the left? To the right?”
Naruto laughed as he watched the two search for Chico.
“You can’t find her from the sides or above. Me, Kakashi-sensei, and Kiki would have already seen her. Hint - she might be under the ground!” He stated in a mock. “She would have never had time enough to disguise herself among the walls!”
Sasuke gulped as he looked at the ground and the rock walls and alcoves. Surely Chico had enough time to dig into the ground and maybe she made has less time to disguise herself into the rock walls or alcoves, but as Naruto claimed, Chico would have never had enough time to disguise herself among the rock walls beside him. Digging in the ground was a sensible idea. Soon the ground began to shake, and Chico popped out of the ground like a groundhog.
Chico grabbed Sasuke and put him in the hole, and then covered the dirt around him to make him look like his head was cut off. Sasuke spat out some dirt and blood, and smirked and laughed merrily, despite looking like a severed head.
Sasuke got out of the dirt and smiled as he wiped some dirt off of his face.
“Hahahaha! Kakashi did that to me when I was among the junior genin rank. …You are a genin, correct, Miss Chico?”
Chico nodded rapidly. She opened her backpack and found some salty crackers and peanut butter. Finding a knife, she spread the peanut butter across the crackers. She offered her snacks to the others, and they took some crackers and chomped down on them. She chomped down on a cracker herself and smiled.
“So… can you escort me to the Leaf?” Chico requested. “I need to get over there so I can register at Konoha as a full-fledged Konohakagure ninja?”
Kakashi smiled. “Okay. This is an official mission, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke! Escort Miss Kiichigo back to the village. I’ll be waiting for you there.”
As Kakashi disappeared, Squad 7 sighed, and Chico looked somewhat confused. As they trekked through the mountain, she began to wonder why she was still journeying when they could have teleported to the village like Kakashi did. But then again, what was the point of journeying, if you can’t be roughing out a little?
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I wouldn't call it much of a rewrite, considering you're posting the same chapters as the previous thread. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but you really shouldn't call it a revised version.
Signature-------------- "Didn't I throw you out a window?"
Yeah, it's true, it's not much of a revised version.
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Yeah, though the annoying thing is, I have to preview it first, because some random junk letters was found, and that's why I have to edit it a lot. So don't aspect it quick on the draw... >_<
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Ooh, I love that picture what you think is the closest to Chico. Sure I can let you search up their character's pictures.
Mikee: Brown spiky hair like Naruto's and brown eye color
Miku: Brown hair in a ponytail, and blue eye color
Misuti: Black traight, long, down to her bottom, and down hair, and blue eye color
Gwen: Blue/black in a ponytail and spiky, but lets it down sometimes... only at night, and has gray eye color
I would list down Miyuki, but you wouldn't be able to find her picture.
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Miyuki's looks are blond, with ice blue eyes, that her hairstyle is like Mew Ichigo's without the ears, but with a gold hairband.
Signature-------------- PT me if you want to join my fun RPG site of Harvest Moon Heaven. It also has a dash of Rune Factory in it, so please ask me to join!
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Aw, I still love Miku anyway! That's a very almost matchup.
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Mhm. Well, I made a special present for you. Let me present, Dawn of a New Day, tektek version!
(nods) I made a comic-like version of the prologue using the Gaia avatars.
1. Most lines came directly from the story. About two lines were added, the reason being to make it more understandable for a comic. What I mean by that, well, think about how Chico waited until 12:00 to leave. I couldn't add that part, so instead of immediatly jumping to the scene where she leaves, I made Chico mention how she'd wait until 12:00. That way it doesn't look like she's disobeying her mother and immediatly leaving.
2. One or two lines were very slightly modified to make more sense. For example, I will take care of myself… but you two have to keep an eye out for yourselves from now on. I can’t watch for you guys always. But when we’re all together again… I look forward to the day we see each other again. was changed to I will take care of myself… but you two have to keep an eye out for yourselves from now on. I can’t watch for you guys always. But when we’re all together again… I look forward to the day we see each other once more. Nothing huge
3. Animals are shown as animal people. To make it easier, more interesting, and a bit of comic relief, non?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:34pm Edited: 1 
7:23am
